Adventures in copywriting
A scene
Int. A random room in a random office building. Somewhere.
Two copywriters stare at photograph of a pair of white shorts. They are searching for inspiration.
Greg
It’s a pair of white shorts.
Ned
Not a lot to work with.
Greg
I mean, they have zipped pockets. “Get zippy with birddogs!”
Ned
I still don’t get why a brand selling shorts is called birddogs so I’m not sure we should evoke the brand name.
Greg
Fine. Let’s hear your idea.
Ned
How about “The only shorts you’ll ever need!” That whole “this one product will save the world” trope is pretty hot right now.
Greg
Yeah, but we want to sell more than one pair of shorts.
Ned
Who’s the target demo again?
Greg
Moms.
Ned
It’s always moms.
Greg
Yeah, but adult moms.
Ned
Aren’t most moms adults?
Greg
No, like, moms of adult kids.
Ned
Anything else? Anything specific about these moms of adult kids? We need something here.
Greg
Oh you know what? There is something else. These moms of adult kids have a problem.
Ned
Now we’re talking! Let’s solve that problem for them.
Greg
Ok, so I know I said the kids were adults but here’s the thing: their penises aren’t.
Ned
Huh?
Greg
Yeah, these adult sons of the moms we want to target don’t have adult penises.
Ned
Why? And how many moms have adult kids with non-adult penises? Is this really a lucrative market?
Greg
I don’t know. Not my problem. My problem is to write some ad copy to sell some shorts.
Ned (sighs and reconsiders his life)
Ok, so . . . how’s this? “Finally! Shorts that will give ‘em something to talk about!”
Greg
Too vague. We need to really show that these shorts will fix the non-adult penis problem. It’s gotta be clear.
Ned
“When this package arrives at your door, it’s not the only package you’ll be receiving!” That’s garbage. Jesus.
Greg
I think we need to be as explicit and direct as possible. Maybe a fake customer testimonial.
Ned
Like literally just say “These shirts gave my son an adult penis” ??
Greg
Yes! I like the simplicity. And then a call to action.
Ned
Can we tell them they’re on sale even if they’re not?
Greg
We need some urgency so the target demo is pressured to buy.
Ned
“Get them before they’re gone!” “Sure to sell out!” “Limited run!”
Greg
Meh.
Ned (mutters under his breath and remembers how he almost went to Veterinary College)
“Just buy already”
Greg
I think it’s fine.
Ned
But is it?
