Babies don't need cardigans

They need parents who are supported

I recently did a podcast interview (more to come on pod details!) focused on the intersection of pregnancy and momfluencer culture, and the podcast host asked me how the experience of being a first-time pregnant person in 2012 (when I had my first kid) might have differed from being a first-time pregnant person today, and naturally, I had many thoughts!

Back in 2012, Instagram was a mere two-year-old toddler, and momfluencer culture simply didn’t exist the way it does now. There were mommy blogs, for sure, but the aesthetically driven, highly shoppable performance of Instagram motherhood was not what it is now.

Was I nervous about the approach of motherhood? Sure. Was I worried that my potential failures as a new mother would be connected to me not having the right stuff? Not really.

In 2012, I knew one actual mom and knew of zero momfluencers, so when tasked with buying shit for my future baby, I grabbed my flip phone and texted my cousin’s wife, the only person in my peer group who had already had a baby. She sent me a list that included swaddles, a sound machine, some onesies, a few pacifiers, a breast pump, diapers, bottles for formula or breastmilk, and not much else. I bought some velcro swaddles and wasn’t tortured by the fact that I didn’t have a rust-colored cashmere receiving blanket like [fill in the blank with whichever momfluencer is your particular shopping catnip].

Fast forward to 2022 and you can find checklists for baby “necessities” that include things like:

• Diaper and Wipes Storage

• Baby drawer organizers

• Hooded towels

• Baby rinse cup [WHAT IS THIS]

• Door stoppers/jammers

• Baby grooming set

• Kneeling mat/kneeling pad

• OCCASIONWEAR

• Shopping cart cover

• Dishwasher basket

• Car mirror

• Play Gym

• Jumper

• Developmental toys

• Fun, light reading for mom!

• Cute art prints for decoration

• Play mat (for mental stimulation)

• Outfits (up to 15 sets)

• Dresser

• Infant Growing Kit (UNSURE)

• Elbow Saver (UNSURE)

• Travel crib (I HOPE THEY JUST MEAN A PACK ‘N PLAY)

• Hangers

• Insulated cooler/carrier for outings (UNSURE)

• 2 cardigans

Source

I understand (and empathize with) the very human desire to control the inherently uncontrollable experience of parenthood by means of checklists, and I’m all for a pleasantly organized drawer full of baby onesies*****, but I’m unsure how buying your unborn child “occasionwear” (baby tuxedos? baby ball gowns? baby cummerbunds? day-to-night-ensembles?) or “cute art prints for decoration,” or a CARDIGAN is going to meaningfully impact your experience of motherhood.

So WTF to arbitrary lists of baby’s “must-haves” and how about we embrace a new (not exhaustive!) checklist that includes:

• guaranteed paid family and medical leave

• access to free doula care for delivery and postpartum

• access to quality, affordable childcare

• universal preschool

• renumeration for childcare and housework

• workplace equity

• weight inclusive healthcare for plus-size moms

• a FREE maternity package full of stuff you actually need for your new baby (Finland does this!)

• meaningful investment in Black maternal health

• protections for the rights of disabled parents

***** The pleasantly organized drawer full of tiny onesies will remain pleasantly organized until the baby destined to wear said onesies actually arrives.