Happy Third Annual Fuck Mother's Day!
Plus Some Stuff I Actually Want
When I was writing Momfluenced, I did some informal polling about the shit moms buy via Instagram and elsewhere. We all know that moms are sold beauty products to mask their exhaustion, mommy makeovers to eradicate evidence of creating a human, and obviously all sorts of clothing options made specifically to suit our Busy Mom™ lifestyles. But according to the 100 or so people who filled out my questionaire, moms are also prompted to buy wellness products, baby clothes, diapers, home goods, toys, books, art supplies, vacation packages, furniture, lunch boxes, parenting courses, weed, paint, and TOOTHPICKS. Home Depot can sell shit to moms. Cosmetic dentists can sell shit to moms. Pet supply stores can sell shit to moms. Tuxedo stores (a thing, right???) can sell shit to moms. I’m sure funeral homes have sold shit to moms! For the mom who wants to show her love, even in the afterlife ⚰️
So it’s fun! Mother’s Day is a capitalist orgy and a potential emotional landmine. For SO MANY REASONS. Fraught maternal relationships. Fraught kid relationships. Fraught partnerships. Fraught in-law relationships. Loss. Grief. Longing. The farcical nature of celebrating mom’s shoppability for one day of the year while ignoring or straightforwardly attacking her for the other 364 days. The dystopian strategy employed by brands that acknowledge that Mother’s Day can be hard by means of a cutesy floral Canva slide before suggesting that perhaps the solution for maternal heartbreak is a new set of sheets or maybe a millenial pink collander. Because you’re worth it, mama!
So whether you want to Fuck Mother’s Day or you’re rebranding Mother’s Day on your own terms, let’s absolutely fuck these ads.
Absolutely nothing says “Thank you for your deep and abiding maternal love and neverending mothering labor” like the gift of SKIN FIRMING AND ANTI-WRINKLE CHEST AND NECK CREAM. You GET ME, Walgreens!
The only thing this ad is making me want is the older mom’s sweater.
If you really love your mom, you’ll remind her of her own mortality and the aesthetic ickiness of that!
Truly adore when companies underscore the gendered nature of the mental load only to serve it up as a backhanded compliment intended to not only make us spend money but to add another fucking thing to do our already criminally long to-do lists.
As a reader succinctly pointed out in her email to me about this particular ad, it’s a tough call. Universal paid leave, comprehensive maternal healthcare, affordable childcare, reproductive justice OR an app. WHO CAN SAY WHICH MIGHT PROVIDE MOM WITH A MORE RESTFUL B R E A K?!
I need you to understand this is an ad for BUDGET. THE CAR RENTAL COMPANY. Chef’s kiss to the genius who employed the bouquet emoji.
This is giving Midsommar except the mom is being sacrificed in the name of selflessness by a cult of kindergarteners who intend to set mommy ablaze on a massive structure made of popsicle sticks.
So this brand is selling mom a bunch of breastfeeding paraphenelia. Coolers and containers and shit. It’s fun that the brand frontloads this heartfelt message by acknowledging mom’s burnout and then ends it by reminding her to “live her life” which obviously means “meeting breastfeeding goals.” To anyone who has ever milked herself via a breastpump, nothing says LIVING ONE’S LIFE like the buzz and hum and suck of a Spectra.
This is excerpted from a PR email in which two suggested “gifts for mom” (please pay attention to the use of the word “for” in this context) are a child’s memory game intended to nourish “CRITICAL” child development and planting a garden with kids because KIDS love that shit and a good gift “for” mom (at least is she’s a Good Mom) is a gift for kids.
Everyone knows that (new moms especially) want sleep more than pretty much everything else in the world, and everyone who’s ever had a baby ALSO KNOWS that a fucking sleep sack is never a silver bullet. It is a sleep sack. It is not a baby who will sleep through the night. Even the baby in the ad is calling bullshit.
I struggle to understand how dressing alike will bring my WHOLE family closer together in any meaningful way but go off mommy and me.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - I’m just imaginging mom opening her box of fucking flipflops, feeling an internal WTF, and then looking up at her hapless child or partner who responds, “Do you feel cared for? These came via FREE 2-DAY AIR (!!!!!)”
Mother’s Day is mostly bullshit BUT moms also deserve community, joy, and yes, pretty things. So here is a grand medley of gifts, actions, and links to give yourself or any other human. Mom or otherwise.