The three questions make it seem like one third of being a mom is all about "treating yourself" and while I know self care is important, this emphasis on "treating" myself "after a long day of #momlife" is just another way to make me feel like a failure as a mother. I have a 2 and a 4 year old. I can barely get them to bed, clean the kitchen, make lunches, fold laundry, and maybe read for 6 minutes (currently reading Momfluenced!) before passing out...but it's another failure of a day because I forgot to treat myself. Fuck you.
My mum calls me a super mum and I’m like 🤮 However, one time many years ago my then-toddler was running too fast down a hill and I managed to catch up with him and catch him mid air as he fell over. I heard some teenage boys nearby call me a super mum and I was like YES I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE SAW THAT and that is the only time I will enjoy that word 😂
I'll never forget reading an online mom question board (Babycenter, maybe? Circa 2001, my kids are older) and a mom asked how to get her husband to 'help' with the baby, she just wanted to go to lunch with a friend or get her nails done. And the response from about 75 percent of the women was 'YOUR FREE TIME DAYS ARE OVER NOW, YOU ARE A MOM'. It was horrifying. Women literally saying 'how dare you, all your time must be spent on your kids', not to mention the audacity of asking her husband to 'help' with his own child.
There were enough of us pushing back that yes, you deserve time to yourself and yes, your husband needs to spend time with the baby alone (I worked retail, on weekends it was learn by doing for my husband as daycare was closed) that at least the narrative was countered somewhat.
But boy, "I don't do anything for myself ever, and that's a good thing" is a pervasive thought.
First of all, THANK YOU so much for your subscription support Pam! Second of all, I couldn't agree more. So many of these toxic narratives have been normalized into wink/nod talking points and it's NOT GOOD.
Yup, I would totally advise mums to work weekends if their husbands somehow couldn’t figure out how to dad (although I know a lot who then just take the kid to their own mother to be cared for 🤦🏻♀️)
The first few weeks were rough, not going to lie! More than once I came home to a shellshocked husband, breakfast dishes still on the table. My mother may have even come by once or twice for a few hours, I can't remember. But he gained confidence, and honestly, he was proud to have done it, none of his friends did it starting when the baby was 3 months old!
Goddammit, have I learned nothing? I read your description of the Super Mom and still thought "I want to be her". I still want to live up to an impossible ideal. Instagram has got me good. 🤦🏻♀️
I just want to say - you (both Sara and the people that comment and resonate with these posts) all are the moms I have been looking for. I have felt seen so little in the world of mom stuff and mom culture that in my head I have really just rejected it all. So thank you!
The three questions make it seem like one third of being a mom is all about "treating yourself" and while I know self care is important, this emphasis on "treating" myself "after a long day of #momlife" is just another way to make me feel like a failure as a mother. I have a 2 and a 4 year old. I can barely get them to bed, clean the kitchen, make lunches, fold laundry, and maybe read for 6 minutes (currently reading Momfluenced!) before passing out...but it's another failure of a day because I forgot to treat myself. Fuck you.
Yuppppp!
(and thank you for the momfluenced support!)
And I also forgot to crowdfund my worthiness via an online contest. Maybe tomorrow. Sigh.
My mum calls me a super mum and I’m like 🤮 However, one time many years ago my then-toddler was running too fast down a hill and I managed to catch up with him and catch him mid air as he fell over. I heard some teenage boys nearby call me a super mum and I was like YES I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE SAW THAT and that is the only time I will enjoy that word 😂
lol 100%
Those responses to “how do you treat yourself” are... so fucking bleak.
YUP
Just subscribed to post this comment!
I'll never forget reading an online mom question board (Babycenter, maybe? Circa 2001, my kids are older) and a mom asked how to get her husband to 'help' with the baby, she just wanted to go to lunch with a friend or get her nails done. And the response from about 75 percent of the women was 'YOUR FREE TIME DAYS ARE OVER NOW, YOU ARE A MOM'. It was horrifying. Women literally saying 'how dare you, all your time must be spent on your kids', not to mention the audacity of asking her husband to 'help' with his own child.
There were enough of us pushing back that yes, you deserve time to yourself and yes, your husband needs to spend time with the baby alone (I worked retail, on weekends it was learn by doing for my husband as daycare was closed) that at least the narrative was countered somewhat.
But boy, "I don't do anything for myself ever, and that's a good thing" is a pervasive thought.
First of all, THANK YOU so much for your subscription support Pam! Second of all, I couldn't agree more. So many of these toxic narratives have been normalized into wink/nod talking points and it's NOT GOOD.
Yup, I would totally advise mums to work weekends if their husbands somehow couldn’t figure out how to dad (although I know a lot who then just take the kid to their own mother to be cared for 🤦🏻♀️)
The first few weeks were rough, not going to lie! More than once I came home to a shellshocked husband, breakfast dishes still on the table. My mother may have even come by once or twice for a few hours, I can't remember. But he gained confidence, and honestly, he was proud to have done it, none of his friends did it starting when the baby was 3 months old!
Goddammit, have I learned nothing? I read your description of the Super Mom and still thought "I want to be her". I still want to live up to an impossible ideal. Instagram has got me good. 🤦🏻♀️
I MEAN SAME
I just love the idea of a competition where all but one mom gets explicitly told they are a loser and NOT a super mom.
I also like how it's not awarded based other people championing you, but its all about making your friend and family vote for you.
TRULY IT'S POETIC
The thought of answering “Is __ a Super mom” stresses me out...
I KNOW - the framing is !
I just want to say - you (both Sara and the people that comment and resonate with these posts) all are the moms I have been looking for. I have felt seen so little in the world of mom stuff and mom culture that in my head I have really just rejected it all. So thank you!
Aw I'm so glad you're here Courtney!