"Aquarian-age network marketing" and me
(Another) guru momfluencer update!
I’m afraid I’m here to provide yet another update on Lacey Haynes, partially because I can’t resist plumbing her specific narrative to better understand more general truths about gurus, MLMs, and the human desire for certainty, and partially because I’m on her email list and can’t process these emails on my own!
If you’re unfamiliar with Lacey Haynes, I strongly suggest you read this piece, which details Haynes’ experience as an all-purpose holistic wellness coach, just so you’re up to speed for the forthcoming analysis. Here’s a snippet.
Lacey Haynes promises that with her help, you can not only invigorate your sex life, you can also find financial success, confidence, and sisterhood. “You can live in pleasure & have everything you desire” [italics mine].
The TLDR on the Lacey Haynes from January 2023 is that, as a sex/money/bliss coach, Haynes sold potential clients on every possible kind of joy and every possible kind of freedom. She promised mind-blowing sex, nourishing friendships with like-minded “sisters,” and freedom to be one’s full self.
And then, in March, Haynes told her email list that she’d joined an MLM.
The multi-level marketing company Haynes joined is called Healy, which sells Healy devices, which are quite literally impossible to describe, but I tried my best in this piece.
According to the Healy website, Healys “use the data from a physical noise generator to assign a priority to frequencies that professional user experience indicates have the highest relevance for the user.” A Healy is “a little companion that watches over our wellbeing.” Depending on which Healy you purchase, it might “focus on Nuno Nina’s Gold Cycle program group for the harmonization of your Bioenergetic Field.”
See? Impossible.