Momfluencer Gurus Gone Wild
Momfluencer Gurus Gone Wild
Part One
I’ve covered many kinds of momfluencers for In Pursuit. I’ve covered trad momfluencers, Juilliard-trained momfluencers, Mormon momfluencers, and satirical momfluencers. I’ve covered gift guide momfluencers, anti-feminist momfluencers, joyful homemaking momfluencers. But there’s one particular category of momfluencer I haven’t really done a deep dive on yet, and it’s the guru momfluencer.
And since there are LOTS of guru momfluencers once you start looking for them, this is the first part of a multi-part series. There’s a lot to unpack!
Money is what differentiates a guru momfluencer from a momfluencer who wields influence through her follower count alone. Usually these guru momfluencers sell their own products directly (versus momfluencers who earn their livings from brand sponsorship deals or affiliate links to external shopping destinations). A guru momfluencer might spread awareness about the very same life-changing powers of essential oil as her non-guru momfluencer peers, but a guru momfluencer will need your credit card info before explaining how tea tree oil (or whatever) “has been known” to cure cancer (or whatever).
Before we get into our first installment of Guru Momfluencers Gone Wild, I want to provide a brief disclaimer. When I do a close read of a particular momfluencer, I do so not to denigrate an individual’s lifestyles or choices, but to draw attention to larger themes in the mamasphere. Whether it’s hashtag trad life, ballet’s relationship to whiteness, or the harmful gender norms at play in gender reveal videos, my purpose is always to explore how momfluencer trends reflect either subconscious or conscious beliefs and assumptions about motherhood, femininity, consumerism, or the value of caregiving, and to examine how those assumptions show up downstream.
Ok. Let’s get into it!
Lacey Haynes promises that you with her help, you can not only invigorate your sex life, you can also find financial success, confidence, and sisterhood. “You can live in pleasure & have everything you desire” [italics mine].
The only question is: “Are you ready to be your whole damn amazing self?”
The algorithm gods introduced me to Lacey Haynes back when I was researching a piece on “cultish” wellness influencers for Harper’s Bazaar, and I’ve remain fascinated by her platform ever since. If you scroll through her Instagram, you’ll see photos of Lacey and her husband, photos of Lacey and her children, and mostly, photos of Lacey herself; in an ocean, in a field, or embracing a Pleasure Wand™
The most apt description of Lacey’s vibe is “blissed out.” Lacey looks like someone bent on enjoying the fuck out of life, and who doesn’t want to enjoy the fuck out of life? I know I do! Despite America’s ironclad insistence on the pursuit of happiness, sometimes happiness is hard to locate within the incessant doing and planning and scheduling and checking and managing of daily life. Sometimes happiness is hard to define even if it’s something we’ve been indoctrinated to exhaustively chase.
I’m certainly not immune to want, nor am I opposed to searching for guidance or fulfillment outside of traditional western institutions. I love guided meditations, find breath work really useful, swear by this very woo-woo exercise program, and own at least a handful of crystals. I’m a firm believer that if something feels good to you and you’re not hurting anyone in the process, go for it!
Lucky for all of us searchers, Lacey has ample products to help us achieve an enviably blissed-out state including but not limited to:
The aforementioned dildo which is made from “✨Gold from a supernova and neutron star collision before our solar system existed” and will set you back 222.00 pounds (274.52 US dollars).
A Manifesturbation™ (yes, it’s trademarked) video (plus a PDF with journaling prompts) for $197.00.
Tickets to a Golden Gift of the Goddess Retreat (unsure how much tickets to last year’s event were, but I’m on the waitlist for the 2023 retreat FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES, so I’ll keep you posted).
A Manifesturbation™ workshop at Soul Circus (tickets to the 2023 event cost $628.00).
A Pussy Gazing workshop for $183.45.
A book called Come Together.
Sisterhood in Money, but I’m not sure how much that costs (nor what it entails) because to find out, I was asked to share my Instagram handle so that Lacey could “connect with me personally” and I didn’t want to do that!
Total Life Transformation, which also required me sharing more personal details than I wanted to, but which promises to help with “sexual and body issues, confidence and self expression challenges, and ultimately bringing you into a state of thriving.” According to Lacey, her clients “leave their unfulfilling careers, discover a new direction for their lives, create connected romantic relationships and claim soulful sisterhood and community” upon completing their Total Life Transformations.
I was warned that I should only apply for Total Life Transformation if I was “committed to taking action and stepping up to do this starting immediately,” and quite frankly, I’m simply not adequately prepared for all that. So yeah, I don’t know how much Total Life Transformation costs. I’m also not clear on how Total Life Transformation differs from enrollment in Lacey’s School of Whole, the cost of which is $2,997.00, an absolute steal according to the following calculations.
The School of Whole includes a module on “The Sacral Chakra & Initiating the Sacred Triangle,” a course about “Birthing your Professional Self,” and a module on “Womb Energetics, Ancestral Healing & Honouring Your Womb's Story.”
John (husband of a student) provided the following testimonial about The School of Whole.
From husband’s point of view I think this course has been amazing. It has really lifted my wife’s spirit in all aspects, and has given us both a lot of new energy to explore our sexuality together. I would strongly recommend to every husband, boyfriend or partner to send their wives / girlfriends to this one and pay for it of course – we men also get full value for the money guaranteed!
I mean, who doesn’t want to pay nearly 3K for a program endorsed by some lady’s husband? If a dude is having better sex somewhere because his wife participated in a The Pleasure Extension, Wholeness & Sustained Sensual Living module, that’s exactly how I know it’ll be worth it for me.
Let’s take a closer look at Lacey’s Manifesturbation™ program, which promises to “generate exact sums of money & align to your most authentic vision through the path of self-pleasure.”
According to Lacey, Manifesturbation™ is for you if “you’re 100% ready to step into the fullness of who you are, claiming your sexual core energy, igniting your creative power and showing up as the powerhouse woman you were born to be,” and Manifesturbation™ is not for you if “you’re simply not ready to step into the fullness of who you are, you’re not keen to claim your sexual core energy, do the work to ignite your creative power or begin showing up in a powerful and meaningful way in your life.”
The choice is yours!
Wondering how you might achieve incredible orgasms while also falling into an “exact” pile of cash? Me too! So let’s take a look at Lacey’s credentials to understand why it might be worth shelling out nearly 200 dollars for a video and some journal prompts.