As in, are you experiencing it? What are your symptoms? What’s helping? I feel like peri chat (a term, no?) can be very much a combo of good and bad news. For example, a friend of mine recently found huge relief from a specialist. Great news! The bad news: the specialist charges out of pocket because why on earth would insurance pay for women to feel less shitty?
My tortured sheets waiting to make their way to the dryer.
I’m not having night sweats or internal heat episodes of any kind (except perhaps a couple several months ago), but I’m struggling with insomnia and feeling like my very valid anger has an accelerant. I’m not sure if this is being a 44 year old woman living in late stage capitalism and white supremacist patriarchy, or this is perimenopause, or both. But I bought Jen Gunter’s book on menopause so I can better understand what is going on.
My BFF found significant relief from really awful joint pain with HRT. Before the HRT, going up and down stairs hurt, and she was doing some weight related self-blame. Thankfully she has a great doc, because the HRT nearly eliminated the joint pain.
100%. Before HRT I had so much joint pain, I was walking with a cane sometimes and couldn't bend down to get anything out of the bottom cupboards. So much better now!
Jen Gunter's book really helped me. The joint pain! For me it has gotten better postmenopause. My doctor at the time flat out said that it couldn't be related to perimenopause. I did get some blood tests and x-rays to check for some type of arthritis though. I first went to my PCP with perimenopause issues at the age of 42, and she was initially skeptical as that was "early, but possible".
Literally just uttered ‘fucking perimenopause’ while unloading the dishwasher because I couldn’t stop smelling something awful which didn’t exist five minutes before and apparently smelling things no one else can smell is part of it?!? The night sweats have been quite awful the last two weeks and headaches have been a constant this summer - though whether that’s kids or hormones TBD. My husband has a GP who will do anything he asks, I have to call my GYN to remind her to schedule my annual and my mammogram- so it’s fine, just fine, perimenopause is fine. Biz as usual.
I feel like after the Covid lockdowns doctors just stopped reminding patients - my pediatrician doesn’t even send reminders for the kids annual REQUIRED checkups … it’s left up to me to remember.
Wait?! Heightened sense of smell can be attributed to perimenopause?! I went into early ovarian failure (what a name) when I stopped having periods at 37. So I started perimenopause before 40 (I am 41 now). I am on hormone therapy so that I don't start menopause too early, so that has really helped with the symptoms like brain fog, constantly being hot, SUPER itchy skin, etc. But the past few years, I have had an incredibly heightened sense of smell, and it never occurred to me that it could be related. Thank you for solving this mystery for me!
I’ve been having periods every 21-24 days for the last year and a half or so (but I basically went straight from decades of birth control to fertility treatments to this so who even knows what my normal is?) I will say that stopping drinking alcohol this spring has made a MASSIVE difference with most of the other symptoms I was having—went from night sweats every night to literally none and from being awake from 2-5a.m. every night to only once or twice a month. It didn’t eliminate my stepped-up anxiety and rage, but it definitely eased them a little. Luckily we’re living in a golden age of fancy, readily available alcohol-free options…
I'm in peri and singing it from the rooftops because how does everyone not know the symptoms of something that half the population has!
Had symptoms for a few years now but since I'm not 40 kept getting told that's not what it was. Weird periods came first. And I would have cramps and nausea so bad I would have 2 to 4 days each month but I could barely get out of bed. Some were even mid-cycle. I've never had bad cramps or nausea.
Now I'm full on with insomnia, breast tenderness, vaginal dryness, and very weirdly my stick straight hair is decided to go wavy. So I get to figure out how to deal with different hair as well.
I'm 42 and my sitter is in her 50s. My tween has a front row seat to the two of us bitching about periods and hormones regularly. I maintain that it's good education given that he's in an all boys school and an only child. I'm also all about normalizing periods/puberty anyway. Puberty is weird, menopause is weird, bodies are weird, we all have to deal with it!
I both love this thread and HATE that there is so little information and support overall that this is the best we can get. All the rage.
Even with pregnancy, most of the information is on the baby, and not on the impact on the mother’s body. And I could rant for days at the lack of postpartum care and support around pelvic floors.
There is absolutely no standard of care for women’s bodies in the US, and it is so deeply upsetting.
So thank you for creating and holding this space for us all. I’m 42 and not experiencing peri yet, as far as I know, but already have migraines, brain fog and restless leg from period related hormonal fluctuations…so basically I’m bracing myself for what’s coming. 😅
There are so many of us experiencing this, and I just keep wondering how many women seem to be business as usual through the symptoms because they have really turned my world upside. Started having symptoms at 35…..I thought I was pregnant, but, nope, quite the opposite. Tried HRT and it really did nothing for me. The hormonal changes also revealed my undiagnosed ADHD that I had just been white knuckling through my whole life. Symptoms are all over the place - anger, sadness, brain fog, dizziness, chest pain, breast tenderness, the WORST cramps, insomnia, night sweats, etc. But I can’t ignore the one positive - the ADHD reveal made me realize I am not lazy/stupid/incompetent so after being depressed since teenage hood, I finally give myself some grace knowing it’s just how my brain works. I traded suicidal ideation for not being the model worker anymore, and I am totally okay with that.
Hmm I’m slow on the uptake and didn’t notice when my symptoms started because they were a lot like my fibromyalgia flare ups. But the night sweats and the sudden flare ups of eczema that hadn’t plagued me since early childhood made my doctor feel she should check my hormone levels.
My hair looks good but tends towards coarse and dry without intervention.
Are they seizures, or muscle spasms, I have mixed feelings. What no one prepared me for was how much it would feel like withdrawal from alcohol and hard drugs.
No sex drive. Not angry. Brain fog but not worse than the fibro fog so again it was hard to notice.
Yes insomnia but I had that anyway too.
Naps have become the most blessed experience.
I’m sure there’s more but I feel this is a good summary.
Many of the same symptoms: waking up in pools of sweat and washing my sheets every other night, joint pain, anger, fatigue, low energy. I started testosterone (I had none, but estrogen and progesterone were low but fine) and that is helping my energy levels and mood a bit. But something interesting is also happening with the testosterone: I now have zero fucks to give and I think about working out all the time (I just need to make it happen!). I’m moving through space and time not giving a care in the world what people think of me, finally. I have zero patience for negativity (which, cough, sometimes results in my own negativity). I don’t know if it’s all the testosterone, but something is shifting in my confidence as a woman - I’m fully ready for whatever is coming my way and everyone else (family, coworkers) needs to back off.
I had a similar experience with testosterone - the initial dose eradicated my night sweats, and when we increased my dosage, I started really wanting to lift weights. That was the only (positive) thing that changed at the higher dosage though, so I dropped back down and now don't want to work out as much. I'm not sure if it was psychosomatic or an actual response to the hormones, but it was definitely a thing there for a little bit.
I’m 55now and reached official menopause around 2 years ago. For me, there were things that were different in my early/mid 40s but got resolved after I was diagnosed as hypothyroid. In my late 40s I started having more traditional perimenopause symptoms - insomnia, always feeling warm (more like my internal thermostat had changed instead of hot flashes), and had trouble managing my ADHD symptoms. I took progesterone for the insomnia and began taking ADHD meds right before the Covid shutdown. A sleep study showed that I had mild sleep apnea, but sleeping on my side remedied that. As I approached official menopause my symptoms started to ease up. It sucked for several years but compared to some people it wasn’t too bad.
For me its hard to separate out the peri and menopause stuff with general life stuff (both my parents had extensive health problems during this time, the pandemic stress, and the death of my husband 15 months ago). I suspect that without those things perimenopause would have been easier to manage.
TLDR perimenopause may exacerbate other health issues that are borderline/subclinical. A comprehensive approach is probably better than only trying to treat hormones or only treating the other symptoms, so be prepared to be proactive in your own healthcare.
I've been having intense hot flashes, mostly during the day, and mood swings. Could be peri, could be ??? I don't get periods bc of my birth control, so no indications there. I don't understand bodies, mine in particular. I've been reading Bodies Are Cool with my 3 yo and keep muttering under my breath, "well, MY body's not cool, motherfucker"
This thread is bringing me so much comfort (and rage - who knew those two feelings could go together!). I'm having similar symptoms and experiences with healthcare providers to many described here and just wanted to say thank you so much for starting this thread, Sara, and thank you to everyone sharing. I wouldn't wish how I'm feeling on anyone, but I'm glad not to be alone.
Brain fog. Like, wow. It’s like I’m just saying words that have no relation to each other, and people are looking at me like “wth, why did you just say Green Day when I asked you where the leftovers are?” Insomnia. No sweats yet, but my internal temperature gauge is whack. Homeostasis is apparently no longer an option for me. Also my 10 yr old is developing armpit hair this summer, and I can’t stop raging at everyone, so this should be fun for all.
Omg my SKIN!!!!! I have pimples on pimples on pimples!!!! Face, back, chest and they are ANGRY AND MULTIPLYING! Like I look like I’m 53 but my skin is 14. What the hell? Anyone with any recommendations? Help?
I can relate! I started getting cystic acne during perimenopause. I think I used Differin (Rx at the time, not sure if it still is or OTC) or some other retinoid for awhile. Also, I can tolerate BHA (salicylic acid) in my skin care, so I used some Paula's Choice products twice a day for exfoliation and helping my pores. Spot treatment with the Paula's Choice BHA (9 percent? 5 percent?) worked well for me for emerging and existing pimples.
I recently turned 42 and just had a salpingo bilateral oophorectomy (removal of both ovaries and fallopian tubes) due to a hereditary genetic mutation and my mom having stage 4 ovarian cancer. I am in medically induced menopause and on HRT (low dose cbc estrogen/progestin) and I feel great. I have yet to experience any perimenopause/menopause symptoms post-surgery. And, I was terrified I would wake up looking like the crypt keeper with dust bones and white hair.
Prior to this my periods were getting closer together (like every 25 days), I had joint pain a few days before periods, terrible bloating and breast pain.
Every 25 days ughhhhh. And joint pain! And bloating and breast pain! Adding to the list of symptoms I didn't know about. So glad you're feeling great now!
Yes! I feel “normal” now. I am really lucky I had an amazing gyn-oncologist and I get to see a menopause specialist now. I definitely recommend HRT. There are so many forms. I went with a continuous low dose birth control pill because I needed both estrogen and progestin (since I kept my uterus). But, I could have done a patch and IUD. Talking with Drs who specialize in menopause is very helpful. I learned a lot about HRT. I highly recommend Dr Jen Gunter’s books and substack as well.
Personal question here, if you don't mind answering (because how else do we seem to get answers about these things!) When your periods were getting closer together, were they lighter or still the same?
When my periods started getting closer together, they got heavier, and all my symptoms worsened: mood, cramps, migraines. Miserable. My OB just shrugged and said "anything between 21-32 days is considered "normal"!"
That is not normal. If you able, see if you can discuss HRT with your dr, someone else in the practice or find a new Dr. HRT is the standard of care and women should not be endlessly suffering. It’s horrible and unnecessary!
I could have never anticipated that perimenopause would come with torrential night sweats AND seizures that felt like being trapped inside a Van Gogh masterwork. Not only was my body on fire, but so was my brain. It was an all-systems transformation that felt like swallowing a star, lol.
Me neither! Adult onset ecstatic epilepsy--with over billion cells, you'd think the human brain is weird, but it's actually weirder than you can think.
They mostly under control now with meds and HRT, but it took years and I wouldn't wish them on anyone. We are governed by our hormones on so many levels. We need so much more clinical research in this area, so that women have all the tools to deal!
37 here and hoo boy! It's all been a bit of a mess because I think mine started up around a similar time to when my mum was diagnosed with cancer so everything got messed up with going on antidepressants and the general stress of suddenly becoming a carer for someone terminally ill.
For me, it's mainly been about exhaustion and heat. Night sweats and hot flashes are the bane of my existence, and I've also noticed the anger - my husband can't do anything right at the moment and heaven help him when he snores. My GP has sent me for endless rounds of blood tests which just show a slightly low level of oestrogen. Because of my age they won't try me on HRT yet so I'm on over the counter oestrogen supplements which seem to be doing *something* but not enough. Not looking forward to another 10 - 15 years of this.
Interesting that multiple women have mentioned anger and rage... same here and my anti anxiety meds aren’t helping. Although i can tell that I’m way angry/ragey during pms...
So sorry about what you’re going through. Being a caretaker for a loved one is so hard.. I’ve been there and i know it’s often a lonely road. Take good care!
Ugh! I got this in my early 40s and it went away after starting thyroid meds. It came back about 13 years later and I need to make an appointment for it
I had a few years (40-44?) of frequent, heavy periods where it felt like the whole month was swallowed up by the pre- during and post. Weak and lightheaded losing so much blood, fatigue and brain fog, body aches and pains, restless legs, migraines.
Maybe six months ago I went to a telehealth co (someone I know works there, but then I saw it on Instagram and went for it) — 30 min chat with a nurse, she said all “classic low progesterone”. She gave me slynd (synthetic progesterone only birth control) along with a cortisol manager supplement and magnesium. A lot of symptoms were gone almost immediately but I had RAGE… so she added estrogen patch to “take the edge off” the slynd. I cut the patch in half and it’s perfect.
I have my life back!!! I have always hated being on birth control but in this case I’ll take it. All symptoms vastly improved. NO period. The craziest thing is, for years I had been constantly beating myself up for not eating right, thinking that it was gluten/dairy/ blah blah blah and if only I ate perfectly I would feel better. Now I am eating whatever I want and I’m fine. It’s disturbing to think back to the certainty I had around it being about food for YEARS. I’m pissed about this because knowing more about perimenopause would have saved me a lot of mental anguish / food issues.
I'm 50, and have been running hot for a good year, but only a couple of hot flashes so far. My period is being really weird this summer. In June I went on a hiking trip in the UK (I live on the US west coast) and my period showed up 10 days early, I assumed because of the time change and all. Contracted covid on the way home and kind of skipped the next one in July -- it just hinted around for a couple days and then disappeared. I've never skipped before. This one won't quit, another thing that has never happened before. I'm on something like day 12 and have had about four periods' worth. No sign of stopping yet. My gyno is on vacation....all I can think of is to take iron....
Tell me more about “running hot” - this sounds like me! If I get hot it takes me hours to calm down. And I am sweating rivers from small amounts of exertion. Does not help that I live in New Orleans where it is v v hot and humid. Doc took blood but I am fat so is focused on cholesterol … I don’t have a diagnosis but pretty sure she’s going to tell me to lose weight
Well I'm pudgy too, but I didn't used to overheat like this. Like I do ~okay~ on a summer day (very hot here, but dry) but it takes me a long time to cool down. I'll sit under two fans in an air conditioned house for an hour before I feel comfortable. When I shower, I finish with cool water and then I'll sit with my face in a fan for a while if I possibly can, because I'll keep breaking out in a light sweat for an hour afterwards, which certainly makes makeup difficult. It's like my core temperature has gone up 3° and I'm always a little bit too warm. In winter (which is not that cold here) I can only wear a sweater to work on the coldest days.
Yes I also sweat a lot post-shower. It’s interesting how profuse sweating and “running hot” seem to be separate from hot flashes which I don’t think I’ve had yet.
I’m an RN who worked through Covid and I am 51. Developed immense anxiety during the pandemic and I started Lexapro which has helped. I run warm and have occasional hot flashes. The joint pain and midsection weight gain is definitely a thing. Had high blood pressure too. The Dr. wanted to focus on my weight and BP. Now I politely decline being weighed. I tried 5 different BP meds with various side effects I’m not willing to live with and one allergic reaction. The brain fog, inability to find words and getting up 5-10 times a night to pee was the worst. Thankfully my partner told me I snore like a freight train and after initial denial I got a sleep study and the amount of times I stopped breathing at night was off the charts. I have been using CPAP for 6 months and it has changed my life. I am sleeping almost through the night, my energy is better, and my blood pressure is better. It has not solved all of my issues but it has been very helpful.
Wanted to mention that vasomotor symptoms (often experienced as hot flashes) can also present as heart palpitations and increased heart rate. I had two episodes of "traditional" sweat-drenching hot flashes in 2021 at 41 before fully realizing I'd entered peri. Never have had the sweats again but boy howdy do I regularly experience heart palpitations at night!
And thanks to the thorough care of my NAMS-certified menopause practitioner, which included seeing a cardiologist, wearing a heart monitor, and getting an echocardiogram, we determined there is no underlying anatomical issue with my heart causing the palpitations. "Just" decreasing estrogen! 🫠
HRT. This is the way. It's not dangerous, see the great articles and coverage in the New York times (your library should have a subscription so you don't have to give them money) and the Guardian.
Around 41-42, my periods started creeping closer together (every 25-26 days) and becoming more irregular - and by "irregular" I mean anything different than Old Faithful-like regularity, which is what I had been used to. I also wanted to burn the entire world down and eat everything that wasn't nailed down in the ~48 hours leading up to my period, and I had also successfully managed my migraines EXCEPT for the pre-menstrual period. I felt like a teenager again. I also started with the night sweats and joint pain. Both my PCP and OB just shrugged - my current OB says that she defines "regular" periods as anything between 21-32 days (!!!!!) and as long as my periods were falling within that range I didn't "qualify" for HRT. I was miserable so I finally broke and used one of the telehealth apps that I was advertised on IG and have been on HRT from them for ~4 months and I am noticing improvements - I'm not back to "normal" but I AM improving. I checked with doctors and pharmacists that I know and they said that HRT absorbed through the skin (I use the cream, another one of my friends uses the patch) carries few of the risks of clots, etc., that oral HRT carries. Also, I was a little nervous about using a compounded medication, but again, the skin is actually a pretty dope barrier, so I feel comfortable from that angle as well (as a note: my pharmacist friends say compounded creams applied to skin? Fine. Compounded oral medicine? Eh - if you really need it and trust the pharmacy. Compounded injectables (like compounded Ozempic, etc)? Never.)
I just turned 50. Since I have other health issues, I have had a lot of body aches, muscle spasms, insomnia, and maybe even night sweats before, and it is hard to figure out what is what. I also haven't really had much sex drive...ever? As for periods, I went off the BCP around 40 and it was my first experience with my "natural" cycle, so I'm not really sure whether that has changed. I definitely wasn't expecting the super heavy flow and frequency! However, I do know that the CRYING and the extreme PMS are new.
I went to the doctor and was just recommended that I get an IUD or try an antidepressant, no other options. I asked about hormone testing and was told we can't do that because your hormones would be in fluctuation so until you actually hit menopause there's no point. Sigh. I can muddle on, but HRT does sound really great, and maybe I should push harder.
I feel validated after reading all this. Two years ago I went to my doctor with a slew of new symptoms including hot flashes, joint pain, itchy skin, dandruff, new hair growth (chin and EAR, gross!), different reactions to deodorant, inconsistent sensitivity to caffeine and alcohol, migraines with aura on day 1 of my period, vision issues. She waved off all symptoms except migraine and vision issues, sent me to the neurologist but by the time I got an appt had figured out that smoking weed stops the migraines, so he said no further testing necessary.
I’m going through a new round of issues so went back the the doctor and I’m advocating harder for myself. But after reading this whole thread it seems like I need some HRT stat.
I thought I might be in perimenopause being 47 . My main symptoms were/are dry itchy vulva area periodically and really long periods going from around a week to about 10-12 days . So boring. I was getting some tests done for some other medical issues and I decided to get the Dutch test to test all my hormones and see if getting vaginal estrogen might help. All my hormones were well in the normal range.. which was a bit disappointing. And then a couple of months later I got pregnant. I could not FUCKIN belive it. Always used the same natural contraception methods, and they have worked a treat for 20 years . Timing sex/withdrawing around ovulation/barely having sex 😅 but turns out if you have sex the day after your period and your period is 12 days you’re ovulating basically. So there I was at 47 trying to work out whether to keep this baby. I didn’t. It was huge though. Very emotional and upsetting and I still think of it every day now a couple months later. Wanted to say this as I was so focused on perimenopause. It didn’t occur to me that I could get pregnant. Women are told we can barely get pregnant after 35. The stats say less than a 1% chance but when this happens to you you realise it’s not as rare as the info we’re given. Anecdotally and from stats for abortions which are one of the highest groups (women in 40s). So just a lil warning from me that you can still get pregnant so be careful !!
Haha I know. A massive curve ball. I felt like it was some kind of lesson as I’d got so obsessed with perimenopause. 😂 I laugh now but belive me did not take it lightly.
And one more thing - for anyone with heavy periods — dr. Should be doing a sonogram — I just found out I have fibroids and that could have been contributing.
I'm 45, and I have a Mirena IUD which has allowed me to be period free for the past 15 years! However, I still get PMS symptoms, and while they used to be a nuisance (craving salty snacks), over the past year and a half they've made life difficult at times (3-day migraines, extreme malaise and melancholy, fatigue). I talked to my Gyn about it, and she prescribed Slynd, which is a birth control pill, to "even out" my hormones and hopefully eliminate the headaches and brief depressive episodes.
I've been on it a week, and I've felt pretty good. So far no negative side effects, and I feel like I'm functioning at my usual levels of energy pretty consistently; I'm motivated and ABLE to get shit done. So I'm hoping this is the answer. In addition, I've not had a drink in almost two years, and I'm adding exercise and healthy eating to my routine. While those things aren't cures, they do seem to help me feel better.
Good luck to everyone dealing with this. I hope you find something that helps bring some relief.
I’m not having night sweats or internal heat episodes of any kind (except perhaps a couple several months ago), but I’m struggling with insomnia and feeling like my very valid anger has an accelerant. I’m not sure if this is being a 44 year old woman living in late stage capitalism and white supremacist patriarchy, or this is perimenopause, or both. But I bought Jen Gunter’s book on menopause so I can better understand what is going on.
My BFF found significant relief from really awful joint pain with HRT. Before the HRT, going up and down stairs hurt, and she was doing some weight related self-blame. Thankfully she has a great doc, because the HRT nearly eliminated the joint pain.
SO glad to hear so many encouraging stories about HRT!
100%. Before HRT I had so much joint pain, I was walking with a cane sometimes and couldn't bend down to get anything out of the bottom cupboards. So much better now!
My mother started taking a low dose of amitryptaline before bed when she was in her late 40s, and it eliminated her middle of the night insomnia.
Jen Gunter's book really helped me. The joint pain! For me it has gotten better postmenopause. My doctor at the time flat out said that it couldn't be related to perimenopause. I did get some blood tests and x-rays to check for some type of arthritis though. I first went to my PCP with perimenopause issues at the age of 42, and she was initially skeptical as that was "early, but possible".
Literally just uttered ‘fucking perimenopause’ while unloading the dishwasher because I couldn’t stop smelling something awful which didn’t exist five minutes before and apparently smelling things no one else can smell is part of it?!? The night sweats have been quite awful the last two weeks and headaches have been a constant this summer - though whether that’s kids or hormones TBD. My husband has a GP who will do anything he asks, I have to call my GYN to remind her to schedule my annual and my mammogram- so it’s fine, just fine, perimenopause is fine. Biz as usual.
truly - i feel like back in the day doctors called to remind people of their need for appointments? am i making that up?
I feel like after the Covid lockdowns doctors just stopped reminding patients - my pediatrician doesn’t even send reminders for the kids annual REQUIRED checkups … it’s left up to me to remember.
Wait?! Heightened sense of smell can be attributed to perimenopause?! I went into early ovarian failure (what a name) when I stopped having periods at 37. So I started perimenopause before 40 (I am 41 now). I am on hormone therapy so that I don't start menopause too early, so that has really helped with the symptoms like brain fog, constantly being hot, SUPER itchy skin, etc. But the past few years, I have had an incredibly heightened sense of smell, and it never occurred to me that it could be related. Thank you for solving this mystery for me!
There are over 80 symptoms connected to peri!!!!! And doctors don’t care!!
I’ve been having periods every 21-24 days for the last year and a half or so (but I basically went straight from decades of birth control to fertility treatments to this so who even knows what my normal is?) I will say that stopping drinking alcohol this spring has made a MASSIVE difference with most of the other symptoms I was having—went from night sweats every night to literally none and from being awake from 2-5a.m. every night to only once or twice a month. It didn’t eliminate my stepped-up anxiety and rage, but it definitely eased them a little. Luckily we’re living in a golden age of fancy, readily available alcohol-free options…
I'm in peri and singing it from the rooftops because how does everyone not know the symptoms of something that half the population has!
Had symptoms for a few years now but since I'm not 40 kept getting told that's not what it was. Weird periods came first. And I would have cramps and nausea so bad I would have 2 to 4 days each month but I could barely get out of bed. Some were even mid-cycle. I've never had bad cramps or nausea.
Now I'm full on with insomnia, breast tenderness, vaginal dryness, and very weirdly my stick straight hair is decided to go wavy. So I get to figure out how to deal with different hair as well.
YUP FOR REAL - I won't shut up about my night sweats around my kids
I'm 42 and my sitter is in her 50s. My tween has a front row seat to the two of us bitching about periods and hormones regularly. I maintain that it's good education given that he's in an all boys school and an only child. I'm also all about normalizing periods/puberty anyway. Puberty is weird, menopause is weird, bodies are weird, we all have to deal with it!
I both love this thread and HATE that there is so little information and support overall that this is the best we can get. All the rage.
Even with pregnancy, most of the information is on the baby, and not on the impact on the mother’s body. And I could rant for days at the lack of postpartum care and support around pelvic floors.
There is absolutely no standard of care for women’s bodies in the US, and it is so deeply upsetting.
So thank you for creating and holding this space for us all. I’m 42 and not experiencing peri yet, as far as I know, but already have migraines, brain fog and restless leg from period related hormonal fluctuations…so basically I’m bracing myself for what’s coming. 😅
Anne Helen Petersen also has an INCREDIBLE thread - hundreds of comments!
You have to read Matrescence by Lucy Jones! Mind blowing...
There are so many of us experiencing this, and I just keep wondering how many women seem to be business as usual through the symptoms because they have really turned my world upside. Started having symptoms at 35…..I thought I was pregnant, but, nope, quite the opposite. Tried HRT and it really did nothing for me. The hormonal changes also revealed my undiagnosed ADHD that I had just been white knuckling through my whole life. Symptoms are all over the place - anger, sadness, brain fog, dizziness, chest pain, breast tenderness, the WORST cramps, insomnia, night sweats, etc. But I can’t ignore the one positive - the ADHD reveal made me realize I am not lazy/stupid/incompetent so after being depressed since teenage hood, I finally give myself some grace knowing it’s just how my brain works. I traded suicidal ideation for not being the model worker anymore, and I am totally okay with that.
Hmm I’m slow on the uptake and didn’t notice when my symptoms started because they were a lot like my fibromyalgia flare ups. But the night sweats and the sudden flare ups of eczema that hadn’t plagued me since early childhood made my doctor feel she should check my hormone levels.
My hair looks good but tends towards coarse and dry without intervention.
Are they seizures, or muscle spasms, I have mixed feelings. What no one prepared me for was how much it would feel like withdrawal from alcohol and hard drugs.
No sex drive. Not angry. Brain fog but not worse than the fibro fog so again it was hard to notice.
Yes insomnia but I had that anyway too.
Naps have become the most blessed experience.
I’m sure there’s more but I feel this is a good summary.
Many of the same symptoms: waking up in pools of sweat and washing my sheets every other night, joint pain, anger, fatigue, low energy. I started testosterone (I had none, but estrogen and progesterone were low but fine) and that is helping my energy levels and mood a bit. But something interesting is also happening with the testosterone: I now have zero fucks to give and I think about working out all the time (I just need to make it happen!). I’m moving through space and time not giving a care in the world what people think of me, finally. I have zero patience for negativity (which, cough, sometimes results in my own negativity). I don’t know if it’s all the testosterone, but something is shifting in my confidence as a woman - I’m fully ready for whatever is coming my way and everyone else (family, coworkers) needs to back off.
wow this is FASCINATING
I had a similar experience with testosterone - the initial dose eradicated my night sweats, and when we increased my dosage, I started really wanting to lift weights. That was the only (positive) thing that changed at the higher dosage though, so I dropped back down and now don't want to work out as much. I'm not sure if it was psychosomatic or an actual response to the hormones, but it was definitely a thing there for a little bit.
I’m 55now and reached official menopause around 2 years ago. For me, there were things that were different in my early/mid 40s but got resolved after I was diagnosed as hypothyroid. In my late 40s I started having more traditional perimenopause symptoms - insomnia, always feeling warm (more like my internal thermostat had changed instead of hot flashes), and had trouble managing my ADHD symptoms. I took progesterone for the insomnia and began taking ADHD meds right before the Covid shutdown. A sleep study showed that I had mild sleep apnea, but sleeping on my side remedied that. As I approached official menopause my symptoms started to ease up. It sucked for several years but compared to some people it wasn’t too bad.
For me its hard to separate out the peri and menopause stuff with general life stuff (both my parents had extensive health problems during this time, the pandemic stress, and the death of my husband 15 months ago). I suspect that without those things perimenopause would have been easier to manage.
TLDR perimenopause may exacerbate other health issues that are borderline/subclinical. A comprehensive approach is probably better than only trying to treat hormones or only treating the other symptoms, so be prepared to be proactive in your own healthcare.
I've been having intense hot flashes, mostly during the day, and mood swings. Could be peri, could be ??? I don't get periods bc of my birth control, so no indications there. I don't understand bodies, mine in particular. I've been reading Bodies Are Cool with my 3 yo and keep muttering under my breath, "well, MY body's not cool, motherfucker"
This thread is bringing me so much comfort (and rage - who knew those two feelings could go together!). I'm having similar symptoms and experiences with healthcare providers to many described here and just wanted to say thank you so much for starting this thread, Sara, and thank you to everyone sharing. I wouldn't wish how I'm feeling on anyone, but I'm glad not to be alone.
Brain fog. Like, wow. It’s like I’m just saying words that have no relation to each other, and people are looking at me like “wth, why did you just say Green Day when I asked you where the leftovers are?” Insomnia. No sweats yet, but my internal temperature gauge is whack. Homeostasis is apparently no longer an option for me. Also my 10 yr old is developing armpit hair this summer, and I can’t stop raging at everyone, so this should be fun for all.
omg cackling at Green Day (but NOT cackling at the brain fog itself!)
Omg my SKIN!!!!! I have pimples on pimples on pimples!!!! Face, back, chest and they are ANGRY AND MULTIPLYING! Like I look like I’m 53 but my skin is 14. What the hell? Anyone with any recommendations? Help?
I can relate! I started getting cystic acne during perimenopause. I think I used Differin (Rx at the time, not sure if it still is or OTC) or some other retinoid for awhile. Also, I can tolerate BHA (salicylic acid) in my skin care, so I used some Paula's Choice products twice a day for exfoliation and helping my pores. Spot treatment with the Paula's Choice BHA (9 percent? 5 percent?) worked well for me for emerging and existing pimples.
Thanks!!! And sorry it’s happening to you too. I’ll give your recs a go xx
I recently turned 42 and just had a salpingo bilateral oophorectomy (removal of both ovaries and fallopian tubes) due to a hereditary genetic mutation and my mom having stage 4 ovarian cancer. I am in medically induced menopause and on HRT (low dose cbc estrogen/progestin) and I feel great. I have yet to experience any perimenopause/menopause symptoms post-surgery. And, I was terrified I would wake up looking like the crypt keeper with dust bones and white hair.
Prior to this my periods were getting closer together (like every 25 days), I had joint pain a few days before periods, terrible bloating and breast pain.
Every 25 days ughhhhh. And joint pain! And bloating and breast pain! Adding to the list of symptoms I didn't know about. So glad you're feeling great now!
Yes! I feel “normal” now. I am really lucky I had an amazing gyn-oncologist and I get to see a menopause specialist now. I definitely recommend HRT. There are so many forms. I went with a continuous low dose birth control pill because I needed both estrogen and progestin (since I kept my uterus). But, I could have done a patch and IUD. Talking with Drs who specialize in menopause is very helpful. I learned a lot about HRT. I highly recommend Dr Jen Gunter’s books and substack as well.
Personal question here, if you don't mind answering (because how else do we seem to get answers about these things!) When your periods were getting closer together, were they lighter or still the same?
When my periods started getting closer together, they got heavier, and all my symptoms worsened: mood, cramps, migraines. Miserable. My OB just shrugged and said "anything between 21-32 days is considered "normal"!"
ughhhhhhhhh so many things people with uteruses have to suffer through are considered "normal" and it's enraging
SAME! I finally was able to go on birth control and that helped tremendously.
That is not normal. If you able, see if you can discuss HRT with your dr, someone else in the practice or find a new Dr. HRT is the standard of care and women should not be endlessly suffering. It’s horrible and unnecessary!
Me too! Birth control helped so much. I don’t love being on birth control but the period was taking over my life
They were still normal.
Heavier. Much heavier! But I also went off birth control a few years earlier.
I could have never anticipated that perimenopause would come with torrential night sweats AND seizures that felt like being trapped inside a Van Gogh masterwork. Not only was my body on fire, but so was my brain. It was an all-systems transformation that felt like swallowing a star, lol.
Oh my gosh Alisa - seizures?! Had no clue this could happen!
Me neither! Adult onset ecstatic epilepsy--with over billion cells, you'd think the human brain is weird, but it's actually weirder than you can think.
Oh that sounds just horrifying, Alisa! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such a terrible and frightful combination.
They mostly under control now with meds and HRT, but it took years and I wouldn't wish them on anyone. We are governed by our hormones on so many levels. We need so much more clinical research in this area, so that women have all the tools to deal!
37 here and hoo boy! It's all been a bit of a mess because I think mine started up around a similar time to when my mum was diagnosed with cancer so everything got messed up with going on antidepressants and the general stress of suddenly becoming a carer for someone terminally ill.
For me, it's mainly been about exhaustion and heat. Night sweats and hot flashes are the bane of my existence, and I've also noticed the anger - my husband can't do anything right at the moment and heaven help him when he snores. My GP has sent me for endless rounds of blood tests which just show a slightly low level of oestrogen. Because of my age they won't try me on HRT yet so I'm on over the counter oestrogen supplements which seem to be doing *something* but not enough. Not looking forward to another 10 - 15 years of this.
Interesting that multiple women have mentioned anger and rage... same here and my anti anxiety meds aren’t helping. Although i can tell that I’m way angry/ragey during pms...
So sorry about what you’re going through. Being a caretaker for a loved one is so hard.. I’ve been there and i know it’s often a lonely road. Take good care!
Also! “Frozen shoulder” which is apparently peri (or just aging) related 😭
Ugh! I got this in my early 40s and it went away after starting thyroid meds. It came back about 13 years later and I need to make an appointment for it
No!! That’s so interesting that it went away w thyroid meds
I had a few years (40-44?) of frequent, heavy periods where it felt like the whole month was swallowed up by the pre- during and post. Weak and lightheaded losing so much blood, fatigue and brain fog, body aches and pains, restless legs, migraines.
Maybe six months ago I went to a telehealth co (someone I know works there, but then I saw it on Instagram and went for it) — 30 min chat with a nurse, she said all “classic low progesterone”. She gave me slynd (synthetic progesterone only birth control) along with a cortisol manager supplement and magnesium. A lot of symptoms were gone almost immediately but I had RAGE… so she added estrogen patch to “take the edge off” the slynd. I cut the patch in half and it’s perfect.
I have my life back!!! I have always hated being on birth control but in this case I’ll take it. All symptoms vastly improved. NO period. The craziest thing is, for years I had been constantly beating myself up for not eating right, thinking that it was gluten/dairy/ blah blah blah and if only I ate perfectly I would feel better. Now I am eating whatever I want and I’m fine. It’s disturbing to think back to the certainty I had around it being about food for YEARS. I’m pissed about this because knowing more about perimenopause would have saved me a lot of mental anguish / food issues.
The food piece is huge. Between diet culture and capitalism, and some other societal twists mixed in — I feel like that’s something most of us fight.
My husband will blame all and many body ailments on food, even when it’s obviously not related.
So glad you found a mix of things to give you relief!!
Yes exactly! So many competing messages. And thank you :) :)
I'm 50, and have been running hot for a good year, but only a couple of hot flashes so far. My period is being really weird this summer. In June I went on a hiking trip in the UK (I live on the US west coast) and my period showed up 10 days early, I assumed because of the time change and all. Contracted covid on the way home and kind of skipped the next one in July -- it just hinted around for a couple days and then disappeared. I've never skipped before. This one won't quit, another thing that has never happened before. I'm on something like day 12 and have had about four periods' worth. No sign of stopping yet. My gyno is on vacation....all I can think of is to take iron....
Tell me more about “running hot” - this sounds like me! If I get hot it takes me hours to calm down. And I am sweating rivers from small amounts of exertion. Does not help that I live in New Orleans where it is v v hot and humid. Doc took blood but I am fat so is focused on cholesterol … I don’t have a diagnosis but pretty sure she’s going to tell me to lose weight
Well I'm pudgy too, but I didn't used to overheat like this. Like I do ~okay~ on a summer day (very hot here, but dry) but it takes me a long time to cool down. I'll sit under two fans in an air conditioned house for an hour before I feel comfortable. When I shower, I finish with cool water and then I'll sit with my face in a fan for a while if I possibly can, because I'll keep breaking out in a light sweat for an hour afterwards, which certainly makes makeup difficult. It's like my core temperature has gone up 3° and I'm always a little bit too warm. In winter (which is not that cold here) I can only wear a sweater to work on the coldest days.
Thanks - yes this sounds similar!
Yes I also sweat a lot post-shower. It’s interesting how profuse sweating and “running hot” seem to be separate from hot flashes which I don’t think I’ve had yet.
I’m an RN who worked through Covid and I am 51. Developed immense anxiety during the pandemic and I started Lexapro which has helped. I run warm and have occasional hot flashes. The joint pain and midsection weight gain is definitely a thing. Had high blood pressure too. The Dr. wanted to focus on my weight and BP. Now I politely decline being weighed. I tried 5 different BP meds with various side effects I’m not willing to live with and one allergic reaction. The brain fog, inability to find words and getting up 5-10 times a night to pee was the worst. Thankfully my partner told me I snore like a freight train and after initial denial I got a sleep study and the amount of times I stopped breathing at night was off the charts. I have been using CPAP for 6 months and it has changed my life. I am sleeping almost through the night, my energy is better, and my blood pressure is better. It has not solved all of my issues but it has been very helpful.
Wanted to mention that vasomotor symptoms (often experienced as hot flashes) can also present as heart palpitations and increased heart rate. I had two episodes of "traditional" sweat-drenching hot flashes in 2021 at 41 before fully realizing I'd entered peri. Never have had the sweats again but boy howdy do I regularly experience heart palpitations at night!
And thanks to the thorough care of my NAMS-certified menopause practitioner, which included seeing a cardiologist, wearing a heart monitor, and getting an echocardiogram, we determined there is no underlying anatomical issue with my heart causing the palpitations. "Just" decreasing estrogen! 🫠
HRT. This is the way. It's not dangerous, see the great articles and coverage in the New York times (your library should have a subscription so you don't have to give them money) and the Guardian.
Around 41-42, my periods started creeping closer together (every 25-26 days) and becoming more irregular - and by "irregular" I mean anything different than Old Faithful-like regularity, which is what I had been used to. I also wanted to burn the entire world down and eat everything that wasn't nailed down in the ~48 hours leading up to my period, and I had also successfully managed my migraines EXCEPT for the pre-menstrual period. I felt like a teenager again. I also started with the night sweats and joint pain. Both my PCP and OB just shrugged - my current OB says that she defines "regular" periods as anything between 21-32 days (!!!!!) and as long as my periods were falling within that range I didn't "qualify" for HRT. I was miserable so I finally broke and used one of the telehealth apps that I was advertised on IG and have been on HRT from them for ~4 months and I am noticing improvements - I'm not back to "normal" but I AM improving. I checked with doctors and pharmacists that I know and they said that HRT absorbed through the skin (I use the cream, another one of my friends uses the patch) carries few of the risks of clots, etc., that oral HRT carries. Also, I was a little nervous about using a compounded medication, but again, the skin is actually a pretty dope barrier, so I feel comfortable from that angle as well (as a note: my pharmacist friends say compounded creams applied to skin? Fine. Compounded oral medicine? Eh - if you really need it and trust the pharmacy. Compounded injectables (like compounded Ozempic, etc)? Never.)
It really makes me want to break something - the fact that shit has to get REALLY BAD before we "qualify" for healthcare.
Which telehealth app did you use?
I was looking into this recently! (but haven't used)
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I just turned 50. Since I have other health issues, I have had a lot of body aches, muscle spasms, insomnia, and maybe even night sweats before, and it is hard to figure out what is what. I also haven't really had much sex drive...ever? As for periods, I went off the BCP around 40 and it was my first experience with my "natural" cycle, so I'm not really sure whether that has changed. I definitely wasn't expecting the super heavy flow and frequency! However, I do know that the CRYING and the extreme PMS are new.
I went to the doctor and was just recommended that I get an IUD or try an antidepressant, no other options. I asked about hormone testing and was told we can't do that because your hormones would be in fluctuation so until you actually hit menopause there's no point. Sigh. I can muddle on, but HRT does sound really great, and maybe I should push harder.
I feel validated after reading all this. Two years ago I went to my doctor with a slew of new symptoms including hot flashes, joint pain, itchy skin, dandruff, new hair growth (chin and EAR, gross!), different reactions to deodorant, inconsistent sensitivity to caffeine and alcohol, migraines with aura on day 1 of my period, vision issues. She waved off all symptoms except migraine and vision issues, sent me to the neurologist but by the time I got an appt had figured out that smoking weed stops the migraines, so he said no further testing necessary.
I’m going through a new round of issues so went back the the doctor and I’m advocating harder for myself. But after reading this whole thread it seems like I need some HRT stat.
Appreciate this thread so much!
I thought I might be in perimenopause being 47 . My main symptoms were/are dry itchy vulva area periodically and really long periods going from around a week to about 10-12 days . So boring. I was getting some tests done for some other medical issues and I decided to get the Dutch test to test all my hormones and see if getting vaginal estrogen might help. All my hormones were well in the normal range.. which was a bit disappointing. And then a couple of months later I got pregnant. I could not FUCKIN belive it. Always used the same natural contraception methods, and they have worked a treat for 20 years . Timing sex/withdrawing around ovulation/barely having sex 😅 but turns out if you have sex the day after your period and your period is 12 days you’re ovulating basically. So there I was at 47 trying to work out whether to keep this baby. I didn’t. It was huge though. Very emotional and upsetting and I still think of it every day now a couple months later. Wanted to say this as I was so focused on perimenopause. It didn’t occur to me that I could get pregnant. Women are told we can barely get pregnant after 35. The stats say less than a 1% chance but when this happens to you you realise it’s not as rare as the info we’re given. Anecdotally and from stats for abortions which are one of the highest groups (women in 40s). So just a lil warning from me that you can still get pregnant so be careful !!
oh my gosh ellie so so MUCH!
Haha I know. A massive curve ball. I felt like it was some kind of lesson as I’d got so obsessed with perimenopause. 😂 I laugh now but belive me did not take it lightly.
And one more thing - for anyone with heavy periods — dr. Should be doing a sonogram — I just found out I have fibroids and that could have been contributing.
We're allllll in the thick of perimenopause. Many of the symptoms! Night sweats! Insomnia! Midsection weight gain.
I'm 45, and I have a Mirena IUD which has allowed me to be period free for the past 15 years! However, I still get PMS symptoms, and while they used to be a nuisance (craving salty snacks), over the past year and a half they've made life difficult at times (3-day migraines, extreme malaise and melancholy, fatigue). I talked to my Gyn about it, and she prescribed Slynd, which is a birth control pill, to "even out" my hormones and hopefully eliminate the headaches and brief depressive episodes.
I've been on it a week, and I've felt pretty good. So far no negative side effects, and I feel like I'm functioning at my usual levels of energy pretty consistently; I'm motivated and ABLE to get shit done. So I'm hoping this is the answer. In addition, I've not had a drink in almost two years, and I'm adding exercise and healthy eating to my routine. While those things aren't cures, they do seem to help me feel better.
Good luck to everyone dealing with this. I hope you find something that helps bring some relief.