Took me forever to read this article because I kept clicking on the links! Haha. The one with the history of Black women and cookbooks blew my mind.
I loved this line from your piece:
“So this fantasy of individualism and insularity showcased on certain traditional momfluencer accounts never actually existed.”
It does seem like some of these IG accounts are promoting an idealized version of a world that never existed. I feel this deeply as a Black woman, wife and mom in America. What would I have been in these glorified “good ol’ days”? That’s right: a slave or a servant. Hard pass.
YES. Idealized, nostalgic representations of "the good ol' days" MUST be situated within a specific historical cultural context! So much of what's wrong with our country currently can be connected to an unthinking longing for a "simpler" life, and the question should always be: "simpler for whom?"
This conversation has helped me understand why I gravitated towards the Little House on the Prairie books as a child, and how even now, despite recognising their deeply racist and problematic nature, I still find myself drawn to them in times of great stress or overwhelm. Those books did what christian momfluencers do now- they sold a world in which roles were clear, simplicity was a virtue, and everyone was content and found joy in their work. But of course Ma was never as content as Laura believed her to be, and the christian momfluencers lives cannot be as simple as their cosy photos and simple, joyful narrative portray. But for women drowning in complexity, financial insecurity, and uncertainty, it is such an intoxicating dream.
YES. I also adored the Little House books (and any book in which a woman's role was clearcut and straightforward). And as the world continues to burn, I think the intoxication of simplicity continues to be what draws me in. (PS: "intoxicating dream" is perfection)
They absolutely do what Christian momfluencers do now, and they do it by design! I recommend "Prairie Fires" by Caroline Fraser. It's a biography of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder and addresses so much of how Laura and Rose framed Laura's childhood to be idyllic and simple when it was actually filled with danger, extreme poverty, and illness.
I think this is such an interesting read of the LH books. As a child, I was always struck by how deeply the character of Laura identified with her father and seemed to reject any of Ma's "calming" influence. This is carried out through so much of the series - she wants to ride wild horses, she doesn't like sitting still on Sundays, she is always described as much more bold and daring than Mary. It isn't until she's married that she really becomes domesticated. - and even then, through the courting process it's never clear if she is attracted to Almanzo or his horses!
Oh my gosh yup. Also - and this is somewhat unrelated but maybe not - I'll never forget the repeated mention of how, when they were courting, Pa could span his hands around Ma's whatever inch waist....seared in my memory.
as a former academic, this comment: "And femininity and feminine skills are under theorized in the history of feminism" resonated deeply with me. Delighted to see this work and appreciate being introduced to a new scholar to follow!
As someone surrounded by women exactly like this (but who are too busy try to influence anyone outside of their circles), I can affirm that these ideals feel innocent to the women who hold them. They love their life choices and can't imagine why it wouldn't be ideal or attainable for every woman to live life exactly as they do.
I think it's the very innocence of these ideals that make them so dangerous when allowed to flourish unchallenged. As with any other group bonded by similar values, these women (and their husbands) tend to isolate themselves and treat anyone who dares question whether their lifestyle is truly universal as "the enemy". Their ideals feel so beautiful and their lives are so cushioned with privilege that any challenge to their thoughts feel as foreign as a different language.
I often pity the small-mindedness in which they live so blissfully, but I'm trying to confront it as often as I can because their unfettered privilege can also be a weapon when they wield it so unconsciously.
Thoughtful interview, thank you. I think these momfluncers are phony so I avoid their accounts. We already know our friends and "friends" only post the good parts of their lives on IG, these accounts take that to the hilt by manufacturing the good parts. But then our family did not fit the traditional family paradigm. My husband worked in the home doing the bulk of child care and I worked outside the home. We have grandkids now and I see what an unglamorous struggle it can be for them... But we are fortunate to be close (physically and relationship) so we help out when they need/want us. It's a joy but not always easy.
I am definitely not your demographic as I do not identify as a feminist, and take joy in these accounts and sharing my own photos of life from home on the ‘gram. I have to say that I think so much of this has to do with feminism‘s failing. Truthfully, and I mean this with kindness, the most miserable women I know are radical far left feminists. I see the problems with toxic masculinity, as I think most reasonable people do, but I’ve never identified nor espoused feminism as a personal belief system because it’s not for me—a woman of color, a religious person, and as someone who really cherishes femininity. I don’t respect it as a movement because it doesn’t work and no one has been able to sell it to me, it just doesn’t look fun. I think at the end of the day so many women are drawn to these motherhood accounts because they are hoping for bits and pieces of that in their lives. The feminist movement has done a really great job of vilifying finding happiness in things like baking or mothering, and so I think many people feel guilty for wanting those things. It shouldn’t be so. People assume that submission to a husband and finding joy in homemaking means oppression, but I have never felt more free.
Took me forever to read this article because I kept clicking on the links! Haha. The one with the history of Black women and cookbooks blew my mind.
I loved this line from your piece:
“So this fantasy of individualism and insularity showcased on certain traditional momfluencer accounts never actually existed.”
It does seem like some of these IG accounts are promoting an idealized version of a world that never existed. I feel this deeply as a Black woman, wife and mom in America. What would I have been in these glorified “good ol’ days”? That’s right: a slave or a servant. Hard pass.
Great interview!
YES. Idealized, nostalgic representations of "the good ol' days" MUST be situated within a specific historical cultural context! So much of what's wrong with our country currently can be connected to an unthinking longing for a "simpler" life, and the question should always be: "simpler for whom?"
This conversation has helped me understand why I gravitated towards the Little House on the Prairie books as a child, and how even now, despite recognising their deeply racist and problematic nature, I still find myself drawn to them in times of great stress or overwhelm. Those books did what christian momfluencers do now- they sold a world in which roles were clear, simplicity was a virtue, and everyone was content and found joy in their work. But of course Ma was never as content as Laura believed her to be, and the christian momfluencers lives cannot be as simple as their cosy photos and simple, joyful narrative portray. But for women drowning in complexity, financial insecurity, and uncertainty, it is such an intoxicating dream.
YES. I also adored the Little House books (and any book in which a woman's role was clearcut and straightforward). And as the world continues to burn, I think the intoxication of simplicity continues to be what draws me in. (PS: "intoxicating dream" is perfection)
They absolutely do what Christian momfluencers do now, and they do it by design! I recommend "Prairie Fires" by Caroline Fraser. It's a biography of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder and addresses so much of how Laura and Rose framed Laura's childhood to be idyllic and simple when it was actually filled with danger, extreme poverty, and illness.
Ooooh I've gotta check that out.
I think this is such an interesting read of the LH books. As a child, I was always struck by how deeply the character of Laura identified with her father and seemed to reject any of Ma's "calming" influence. This is carried out through so much of the series - she wants to ride wild horses, she doesn't like sitting still on Sundays, she is always described as much more bold and daring than Mary. It isn't until she's married that she really becomes domesticated. - and even then, through the courting process it's never clear if she is attracted to Almanzo or his horses!
Oh my gosh yup. Also - and this is somewhat unrelated but maybe not - I'll never forget the repeated mention of how, when they were courting, Pa could span his hands around Ma's whatever inch waist....seared in my memory.
as a former academic, this comment: "And femininity and feminine skills are under theorized in the history of feminism" resonated deeply with me. Delighted to see this work and appreciate being introduced to a new scholar to follow!
As someone surrounded by women exactly like this (but who are too busy try to influence anyone outside of their circles), I can affirm that these ideals feel innocent to the women who hold them. They love their life choices and can't imagine why it wouldn't be ideal or attainable for every woman to live life exactly as they do.
I think it's the very innocence of these ideals that make them so dangerous when allowed to flourish unchallenged. As with any other group bonded by similar values, these women (and their husbands) tend to isolate themselves and treat anyone who dares question whether their lifestyle is truly universal as "the enemy". Their ideals feel so beautiful and their lives are so cushioned with privilege that any challenge to their thoughts feel as foreign as a different language.
I often pity the small-mindedness in which they live so blissfully, but I'm trying to confront it as often as I can because their unfettered privilege can also be a weapon when they wield it so unconsciously.
Yes! The intersection of privilege and supposedly apolitical innocence is so interesting (and sometimes insidious!)
Thoughtful interview, thank you. I think these momfluncers are phony so I avoid their accounts. We already know our friends and "friends" only post the good parts of their lives on IG, these accounts take that to the hilt by manufacturing the good parts. But then our family did not fit the traditional family paradigm. My husband worked in the home doing the bulk of child care and I worked outside the home. We have grandkids now and I see what an unglamorous struggle it can be for them... But we are fortunate to be close (physically and relationship) so we help out when they need/want us. It's a joy but not always easy.
I totally relate to the "unglamorous struggle!"
This oldish article from Scary Mommy really spoke to me; I have always remembered it: https://www.scarymommy.com/feminism-left-sahms-behind/amp
Yes. Loved that article.
This was an excellent read- so informative and nuanced!
I am definitely not your demographic as I do not identify as a feminist, and take joy in these accounts and sharing my own photos of life from home on the ‘gram. I have to say that I think so much of this has to do with feminism‘s failing. Truthfully, and I mean this with kindness, the most miserable women I know are radical far left feminists. I see the problems with toxic masculinity, as I think most reasonable people do, but I’ve never identified nor espoused feminism as a personal belief system because it’s not for me—a woman of color, a religious person, and as someone who really cherishes femininity. I don’t respect it as a movement because it doesn’t work and no one has been able to sell it to me, it just doesn’t look fun. I think at the end of the day so many women are drawn to these motherhood accounts because they are hoping for bits and pieces of that in their lives. The feminist movement has done a really great job of vilifying finding happiness in things like baking or mothering, and so I think many people feel guilty for wanting those things. It shouldn’t be so. People assume that submission to a husband and finding joy in homemaking means oppression, but I have never felt more free.