Do you have a zeitgeisty baby carrier?
My kids are past the age of being worn but when I did strap them to my body by means of slings, wraps, and carriers so I could, oh, make myself a sandwich, or, like, move from one floor of the house to another, or maybe amble outside to remind myself of the sun’s existence, I never did so in a sense of desperation because I hadn’t slept in 27 hours, I never did so ungracefully, and I never, ever, ever found myself drenched in sweat.
In essence, my baby-wearing days could best be described as blissful, chic, and always well lit.
The below photo captures the vibe nicely. Except my babies always understood the inherent glamour of being worn, and always looked directly at the camera when it was time to strike a pose (unlike this baby, who seems to forget she’s there to make baby-wearing look cool!)
If you too want to wear your baby but do it ASPIRATIONALLY, it’s best to purchase your baby carrier from a company that understands the value of “freedom and self-expression.” When deciding which baby carrier is best for you, don’t worry about functionality or practicality, and certainly don’t worry about price. Worry, instead, about wether or not you’re buying a baby carrier from a brand fully invested in keeping up with the zeitgeist.
Consider this photo from my personal archives. Surely you can see the similarities between my facial expression (which screams “free”), and that of the baby-wearing mama in the below Instagram post.
Whether your entire left side has cramped up from sitting in the same position for too long in a spit-up and breastmilk stained chair whilst wearing your wee one, OR whether you’re rocking a full face of makeup, a white bikini, and evidently feeling slightly horny whilst caressing a wild stallion, the effect is the same.
EFFORTLESS.
As a horse owner I need to point out how incredibly dumb it is to hang out in your panties next to an unrestrained horse. He has no halter or anything to prevent him from banging his big head into that baby or stepping on her (probably bare) feet.
$370 f^*k off