This post took my breath away. I know Kelly! Well, I used to. Back when she was Kelly Reed.
Kelly and I went to high school together. She was a year older and was close with one of my close friends. We had math class together one semester; she submitted her photography (really quite good!) to the literary magazine I helped edit; we were in the same humanities & arts honors program; and I sat next to her younger sister in my programming class and chatted for an hour every day for a year.
Kelly and I never talked much, and I’m not even positive she would remember me, but I always thought of her as a kind, sensitive, intelligent, enigmatic, generally lovely person. Vaguely religious, but not notably so. Her family was maybe Presbyterian or something pretty standard?
As I recall, she went to Kenyon for undergrad, and I went to Vanderbilt a year later, and I hadn’t heard or seen much of her since. I had no idea she was an influencer on Instagram! I had NO IDEA that her ideology had warped and regressed and radicalized into fundamentalism.
I read this post first thing in the morning, and I’ve been thinking about it all day. Thinking about her all day. I went through her Instagram page, watched Fundie Fridays’ 40 minute episode about her, and revisited her Flickr photography page that I used to admire in high school.
This all just feels so surreal… particularly because we grew up in a very liberal, very Jewish, very secular suburb of DC. I hardly knew anyone Christian growing up— I went to six bat and bar mitzvahs my 7th grade year and never stepped foot in a church— and I certainly didn’t know no one extreme who believed a woman’s place was in the home. “Submission” was not a word I ever heard outside of the context of submitting college applications.
I just wish I knew what happened to her and within her. I know she had pretty significant mental health challenges at times; I wonder how that plays into all this, if at all? A grasping for certainty and community?
Maybe I’ll call up my old friend and see if they are still in touch with her. I am guessing not, though I can see that Kelly still follows them on Instagram at least. I am disturbed… and yet I have a flicker of hope that maybe this is a phase? That if she is unhappy, she could change her mind again? Her Instagram posts seem to have an undercurrent of discontent. She seems restless and bored, trying again and again to convince herself that God is the answer to her emotions. Maybe a MFA in photography is actually the answer, or a MFA in film or poetry. Maybe a trip around the world.
I can’t pretend to understand her or know her now; I didn’t really even back then. I’m not trying to defend her, and I completely recognize how her internet presence/persona is part of a cultural force that does immense damage. But unlike other trad wife accounts that I come across on the internet and see as fascinating, disturbing cultural artifacts, she is still a person to me. And I wanted to share a bit about that person’s story, as I know it.
Also personal connections aside, this was an amazing analysis! Reminded me of Kate Bowler’s book The Preacher’s Wife. It is deeply ironic that this particular breed of mom influencers acquire & exert power via telling women to give up their power. Ironic and chilling, really. What a loud voice, telling me to sit and pray and stay in my place and shut up. Reminds me of the end of Taming of the Shrew, my least favorite Shakespeare play.
As someone raised by a mother who espoused these ideas, this resonated unbelievably well. I kept copying blurbs and sharing to my sibling chat! I’ve been horrified to see the Trad Wife trend and I really appreciate your diving in with such insight.
This post took my breath away. I know Kelly! Well, I used to. Back when she was Kelly Reed.
Kelly and I went to high school together. She was a year older and was close with one of my close friends. We had math class together one semester; she submitted her photography (really quite good!) to the literary magazine I helped edit; we were in the same humanities & arts honors program; and I sat next to her younger sister in my programming class and chatted for an hour every day for a year.
Kelly and I never talked much, and I’m not even positive she would remember me, but I always thought of her as a kind, sensitive, intelligent, enigmatic, generally lovely person. Vaguely religious, but not notably so. Her family was maybe Presbyterian or something pretty standard?
As I recall, she went to Kenyon for undergrad, and I went to Vanderbilt a year later, and I hadn’t heard or seen much of her since. I had no idea she was an influencer on Instagram! I had NO IDEA that her ideology had warped and regressed and radicalized into fundamentalism.
I read this post first thing in the morning, and I’ve been thinking about it all day. Thinking about her all day. I went through her Instagram page, watched Fundie Fridays’ 40 minute episode about her, and revisited her Flickr photography page that I used to admire in high school.
This all just feels so surreal… particularly because we grew up in a very liberal, very Jewish, very secular suburb of DC. I hardly knew anyone Christian growing up— I went to six bat and bar mitzvahs my 7th grade year and never stepped foot in a church— and I certainly didn’t know no one extreme who believed a woman’s place was in the home. “Submission” was not a word I ever heard outside of the context of submitting college applications.
I just wish I knew what happened to her and within her. I know she had pretty significant mental health challenges at times; I wonder how that plays into all this, if at all? A grasping for certainty and community?
Maybe I’ll call up my old friend and see if they are still in touch with her. I am guessing not, though I can see that Kelly still follows them on Instagram at least. I am disturbed… and yet I have a flicker of hope that maybe this is a phase? That if she is unhappy, she could change her mind again? Her Instagram posts seem to have an undercurrent of discontent. She seems restless and bored, trying again and again to convince herself that God is the answer to her emotions. Maybe a MFA in photography is actually the answer, or a MFA in film or poetry. Maybe a trip around the world.
I can’t pretend to understand her or know her now; I didn’t really even back then. I’m not trying to defend her, and I completely recognize how her internet presence/persona is part of a cultural force that does immense damage. But unlike other trad wife accounts that I come across on the internet and see as fascinating, disturbing cultural artifacts, she is still a person to me. And I wanted to share a bit about that person’s story, as I know it.
Also personal connections aside, this was an amazing analysis! Reminded me of Kate Bowler’s book The Preacher’s Wife. It is deeply ironic that this particular breed of mom influencers acquire & exert power via telling women to give up their power. Ironic and chilling, really. What a loud voice, telling me to sit and pray and stay in my place and shut up. Reminds me of the end of Taming of the Shrew, my least favorite Shakespeare play.
I wish I had something intelligent and eloquent to offer but all I've got is that Ms. Stickle makes me want to barf.
Fascinating read!
As someone raised by a mother who espoused these ideas, this resonated unbelievably well. I kept copying blurbs and sharing to my sibling chat! I’ve been horrified to see the Trad Wife trend and I really appreciate your diving in with such insight.