Thank you so much to everyone who came! If you missed it and want in next time, let me know if a midday AMA would work better? My brain turns off at 5PM sharp so I sincerely hope any of what I said tonight was useful/fun/worth your time. I almost just signed off "xoxoxo, gossip girl" TO INDICATE STATE OF COGNITIVE FUNCTION. But truly had so much fun with you all. And now - off to my beloved television :)
1. I wish I had known about the hilarious, raw, profane mommy bloggers when I was a new mom struggling with postpartum depression and a lack of community.
2. In reading so many of these women, it's so clear that many of them were writers first and foremost, rather than what momfluencers are now, which is (talented!) marketers, advertisers, photographers, stylists, and businesswomen. This isn't to say that today's momfluencers aren't also skilled writers, just that Instagram is where many of them live and Instagram is an image-based platform, whereas the early blogs were very much personal essay driven.
3. Momfluencing is an established job with an established pipeline, whereas many of the women writing about motherhood on the internet did so without any clear idea of where their writing would take them.
Hi! Wish this was at 9pm when bath/bedtime is over. But very happy to be a subscriber - every newsletter has at least one sentence that makes me gasp “yes exactly!” Thank you for sharing your beautiful writing.
Ahhh thank you for the feedback - I'll totally keep that in mind for future AMAs! Although I will say I'm typically asleep with my kids at 9PM lol. I was thinking a midday AMA might be fun?
I would like midday! I’ve been asleep every day this week before 9 pm. I saw the AMA notification but like 10 min later my kids were arguing about how they couldn’t share the bottom bunk full bed last night!
Hi Sara! Thanks for sharing your work. I am wondering your thoughts on lack of informed consent for minors included in momfluencers account? And whether you will explore this in future writings/why did not dive into in your book? Thanks for your time!
Hi! Great question. While I included some momfluencers' perspectives on this in the book, I knew from the very beginning, I wanted to center the experience of mothers (and their identities) in the book, rather than parenting or child development. This isn't to say that I don't have thoughts and feelings and concerns about children and their privacy and their ability to provide consent - it's more that it's SUCH a huge (and important) topic, that I felt it was worthy of its own exploration. I've talked about my personal feelings in various interviews though, and generally I liken it to kid actors. Can a 6 year old actor really understand what signing a three movie contract entails - for them personally or professionally? Can a 6 year old child of a momfluencer ever understand what their participation in their parent's social media feed of thousands of people entails? I don't think we have great answers to those questions.
Oh and to answer the bit of your question I didn't answer - I might interview experts about this for future newsletters, but because I don't consider myself a parenting writer, won't be pursuing it in future books or anything longer form.
Somebody who I think has really interesting work on privacy etc on the internet is Debbie Reynolds, she has an awesome podcast about privacy called The Data Diva Talks Privacy and I find a lot of the episodes interesting and thought provoking.
I've also really appreciated Hayley DeRoche's perspective particularly on influencers incorporating their foster children in their social media accounts.
How do you like Substack so far do you have any opinions on it versus your own website blog or other platforms etc? How do you come up with topics etc each week so you collect ideas for later etc? I try to post in linked in for my job and I feel like I can’t even keep up with that! I can’t imagine a newsletter 🤣😭
Hi Lesley! So I never SERIOUSLY tried to operate my own blog (although I did write recently about my half-baked attempt to sort of kinda have a blog), so Substack is really the only platform I've engaged with. Mostly I find it very intuitive and user friendly (this is from someone who panics about updating software and is terrified about getting new phones ha). I've also never been "great" at consistency with social media. I liked Twitter for a while in terms of connecting with other writers but I don't think it did much for my "platform." And I think my Instagram has only picked up momentum because of my newsletter and my book? As for generating ideas, I have several Google docs in which I scrawl ideas, no matter how half-baked. I currently have an entry simply labeled "soap," and another labeled "viscous." One thing that helps me not fear running out of material is engaging with other writers and other forms of media. When Barbie came out, for example, I didn't know what my "take" would be, but I was confident I'd have one! Even it wasn't award worthy.
I love that idea! I find myself jotting down random notes on my phone to refer back to later....I think Substack seems cool as well and super easy to use! I love that you don’t need to be a graphic designer etc to use it and can quickly get out what you need without necessarily paying for hosting etc if you don’t want to!
YES! Agreed. I mean, I have fun choosing the images that pair with each essay but I love that I don't have to spend much time or thought on how the whole newsletter itself will look.
Yes! I was reading how they predict AI will affect SEO etc on the web since people will ask chat gpt etc instead of googling something and they think there might be a move back to old school blogging as it will pick up content that way to suggest in answers kind of like the short answers at the top of a Google search! Perhaps I’m a nerd but I work in tech and was thinking many bloggers have moved away from blogging and gone straight to platforms and wondering if this will change the way they approach selling products etc!
As a fellow knitter, I want to know about your knitting! And do you know (yet) about all the knitfluencer content that feels just a hop away from momfluencer?
This is her and I fucking adore her patterns (and recommend them as a relatively novice knitter!) but I would say she's def def def a hop away from momfluencer, right?
So true! The effortless chic. The thin white mom. The fluffy sweaters. I want to make that stupid Sophie scarf so much and also hate that she makes me want it! Needless to say, your writing about momfluencingtruly resonates!
lol I made the sophie scarf for my 5-year-old niece and she was like "it's too short," and unless you're going for "jaunty french gamine," and unless you don't care about keeping your neck warm, SHE IS RIGHT.
I made one for my daughter too but it's shell pink and it blends in too much with my neck to look Audrey Hepburn chic lol. Although I won't lie - the scarlet looks cool as hell in her photos.
OH SHIT really? I didn't know! I DO know that she very much falls into the "everything is easy including sweaters AND babies" category and it makes me feel things.
And now I definitely want your knitter/momfluencer Venn diagram recs! I think there might be an essay to be written about "women's work" as portrayed on Instagram and its very obvious intersection with mothering.
hahahahaha and so much tea drinking. like - when knitting, you can only take a sip of tea once in a while because BOTH HANDS ARE INVOLVED. this always irrationally bothers me about knitting influencer pics.
I’ve retired my knitting needles while in the early years of mothering (2 under 2), but would love if you shared your knitting and take on the cross section of moms that knit (are you familiar with Felicia Semple of The Craft Sessions?). I’m a new paid subscriber and working my way through the archive so forgive me if you’ve shared some of that already.
A bit of a ramble: Something I’ve been turning over and sort of trying to figure out is how the American capitalist patriarchal ideals are so tough (for everyone, but also) my neurodivergent brain that when I do get it “right” it feels worth sharing. (Though I don’t and I don’t engage with social media outside of Substack rn.) I wonder if the little hidden step between it being unrealistic and it being effortless lies somewhere in the space of it being so hard that when you’re able to comply it’s worth celebrating? Of course not sharing that step just puts more pressure on those consuming the shares/content and ultimately further puts those things on a pedestal. This isn’t a question, but I would love to hear more about how ADHD/autistic people that are moms are consuming the ideals put forth by momfluencers. KC Davis seems like someone that could maybe speak to some of that experience.
Are you hearing about any momfluencer upcoming trends/etc coming into the new year? Will this be the year we see the influencers spending on AI etc to produce product screenshots or other new technology or trends etc? I have wondered with all the browser changes/ad changes if this will change how they make money if they are doing things like like to know it or will they go back old school blogging etc! I have no idea 🤷♀️
Oooh that's a great question and I really don't know? I can't imagine we'll ever go back to a time where we can't click through an influencer's page to buy whatever it might be, but I do know that lots of momfluencers become frustrated at being beholden to apps to make their money. Many women I spoke to for the book talked about diversifying, starting podcasts, leaning into their side hustles, and starting newsletters, simply because the big tech companies still really control their destinies. I mean, if Instagram shuttered tomorrow, so many creators would be screwed (if they didn't also have their own email lists or blogs or . . . )
oh HI! Yes it definitely does. While I try to chase my obsessions and curiosities, I also stick to a strict publishing schedule, which necessitates writing or researching or reading when I'd rather not? Lol. Writing very rarely (for me anyway) feels like it's pouring out of me effortlessly. Mostly, it feels hard - on good days, in a good way. If that makes sense!
Lol golly that is a good one. And I think my honest answer is that momfluencer culture doesn't keep me up anymore? But I think that's only because I delved so deeply into it for my book. I DO 100% dream about certain momfluencers though. The fact that parasocial relationships can infiltrate our DREAMS will never cease to amaze me.
I mean I think it lost a lot of power over me to make me FEEL certain ways (although not ALL power). Like, I'm so much less attracted to maternal ideals now that I've researched where all these ideals stem from (white men in power trying to hold onto power!!) I think the aspect of momfluencer culture that still depresses me/worries me, though, is certainly the super conservative/QAnon adjacent/anti-feminist sphere of momfluencers. And understanding why these momfluencers have risen to such prominence also depresses me!
Thank you so much to everyone who came! If you missed it and want in next time, let me know if a midday AMA would work better? My brain turns off at 5PM sharp so I sincerely hope any of what I said tonight was useful/fun/worth your time. I almost just signed off "xoxoxo, gossip girl" TO INDICATE STATE OF COGNITIVE FUNCTION. But truly had so much fun with you all. And now - off to my beloved television :)
I got a question from a reader in my little form about the differences between the OG "mommy bloggers" and today's momfluencers, and I wrote a bit about it here, https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/05/heather-armstrong-dooce-death-mom-blog.html
but here are some other thoughts.
1. I wish I had known about the hilarious, raw, profane mommy bloggers when I was a new mom struggling with postpartum depression and a lack of community.
2. In reading so many of these women, it's so clear that many of them were writers first and foremost, rather than what momfluencers are now, which is (talented!) marketers, advertisers, photographers, stylists, and businesswomen. This isn't to say that today's momfluencers aren't also skilled writers, just that Instagram is where many of them live and Instagram is an image-based platform, whereas the early blogs were very much personal essay driven.
3. Momfluencing is an established job with an established pipeline, whereas many of the women writing about motherhood on the internet did so without any clear idea of where their writing would take them.
Hi! Wish this was at 9pm when bath/bedtime is over. But very happy to be a subscriber - every newsletter has at least one sentence that makes me gasp “yes exactly!” Thank you for sharing your beautiful writing.
Ahhh thank you for the feedback - I'll totally keep that in mind for future AMAs! Although I will say I'm typically asleep with my kids at 9PM lol. I was thinking a midday AMA might be fun?
(and by "with my kids" I mean alone in my bed with earplugs in while they slumber away from me with their sound machines blasting ha.)
I would like midday! I’ve been asleep every day this week before 9 pm. I saw the AMA notification but like 10 min later my kids were arguing about how they couldn’t share the bottom bunk full bed last night!
TOTALLY GET IT
And UGH biggest compliment ever to get the "yes exactly" feeling! Thank you Jessica!
Hi Sara! Thanks for sharing your work. I am wondering your thoughts on lack of informed consent for minors included in momfluencers account? And whether you will explore this in future writings/why did not dive into in your book? Thanks for your time!
Hi! Great question. While I included some momfluencers' perspectives on this in the book, I knew from the very beginning, I wanted to center the experience of mothers (and their identities) in the book, rather than parenting or child development. This isn't to say that I don't have thoughts and feelings and concerns about children and their privacy and their ability to provide consent - it's more that it's SUCH a huge (and important) topic, that I felt it was worthy of its own exploration. I've talked about my personal feelings in various interviews though, and generally I liken it to kid actors. Can a 6 year old actor really understand what signing a three movie contract entails - for them personally or professionally? Can a 6 year old child of a momfluencer ever understand what their participation in their parent's social media feed of thousands of people entails? I don't think we have great answers to those questions.
Oh and to answer the bit of your question I didn't answer - I might interview experts about this for future newsletters, but because I don't consider myself a parenting writer, won't be pursuing it in future books or anything longer form.
Sara Adams of Mom Uncharted is a great resource on this topic!
Yes! I did an interview on her podcast recently - I don't think it aired yet.
Somebody who I think has really interesting work on privacy etc on the internet is Debbie Reynolds, she has an awesome podcast about privacy called The Data Diva Talks Privacy and I find a lot of the episodes interesting and thought provoking.
I've also really appreciated Hayley DeRoche's perspective particularly on influencers incorporating their foster children in their social media accounts.
https://www.instagram.com/officialsadbeige/
How do you like Substack so far do you have any opinions on it versus your own website blog or other platforms etc? How do you come up with topics etc each week so you collect ideas for later etc? I try to post in linked in for my job and I feel like I can’t even keep up with that! I can’t imagine a newsletter 🤣😭
Hi Lesley! So I never SERIOUSLY tried to operate my own blog (although I did write recently about my half-baked attempt to sort of kinda have a blog), so Substack is really the only platform I've engaged with. Mostly I find it very intuitive and user friendly (this is from someone who panics about updating software and is terrified about getting new phones ha). I've also never been "great" at consistency with social media. I liked Twitter for a while in terms of connecting with other writers but I don't think it did much for my "platform." And I think my Instagram has only picked up momentum because of my newsletter and my book? As for generating ideas, I have several Google docs in which I scrawl ideas, no matter how half-baked. I currently have an entry simply labeled "soap," and another labeled "viscous." One thing that helps me not fear running out of material is engaging with other writers and other forms of media. When Barbie came out, for example, I didn't know what my "take" would be, but I was confident I'd have one! Even it wasn't award worthy.
I love that idea! I find myself jotting down random notes on my phone to refer back to later....I think Substack seems cool as well and super easy to use! I love that you don’t need to be a graphic designer etc to use it and can quickly get out what you need without necessarily paying for hosting etc if you don’t want to!
YES! Agreed. I mean, I have fun choosing the images that pair with each essay but I love that I don't have to spend much time or thought on how the whole newsletter itself will look.
Yes! I was reading how they predict AI will affect SEO etc on the web since people will ask chat gpt etc instead of googling something and they think there might be a move back to old school blogging as it will pick up content that way to suggest in answers kind of like the short answers at the top of a Google search! Perhaps I’m a nerd but I work in tech and was thinking many bloggers have moved away from blogging and gone straight to platforms and wondering if this will change the way they approach selling products etc!
Ohhhhhhh INTERESTING - I mean that makes sense?
As a fellow knitter, I want to know about your knitting! And do you know (yet) about all the knitfluencer content that feels just a hop away from momfluencer?
AHHHHH YES YES YES YES YES. Ok do you follow PetiteKnits?
https://www.instagram.com/petiteknit/
This is her and I fucking adore her patterns (and recommend them as a relatively novice knitter!) but I would say she's def def def a hop away from momfluencer, right?
So true! The effortless chic. The thin white mom. The fluffy sweaters. I want to make that stupid Sophie scarf so much and also hate that she makes me want it! Needless to say, your writing about momfluencingtruly resonates!
lol I made the sophie scarf for my 5-year-old niece and she was like "it's too short," and unless you're going for "jaunty french gamine," and unless you don't care about keeping your neck warm, SHE IS RIGHT.
OMG I am totally hoping for jaunty French gamine! That’s what makes me want it, as if I will somehow transform into Audrey Hepburn.
I made one for my daughter too but it's shell pink and it blends in too much with my neck to look Audrey Hepburn chic lol. Although I won't lie - the scarlet looks cool as hell in her photos.
Yes! Or should I say hate follow? 😂 She says bad stuff about large sizes.
OH SHIT really? I didn't know! I DO know that she very much falls into the "everything is easy including sweaters AND babies" category and it makes me feel things.
🙄 easy babies. Cough.
Yeah, she put out some fatphobic nonsense about how her patterns only look good on sizes up to (48”?) but has recently started expanding sizing. 🤷🏻♀️
SIGH. That sucks. And makes me want to find some new knitting influencers!
And now I definitely want your knitter/momfluencer Venn diagram recs! I think there might be an essay to be written about "women's work" as portrayed on Instagram and its very obvious intersection with mothering.
I’m wondering who my own Ballerina Farm would be? So much effortless knitting going on while selling so many patterns.
hahahahaha and so much tea drinking. like - when knitting, you can only take a sip of tea once in a while because BOTH HANDS ARE INVOLVED. this always irrationally bothers me about knitting influencer pics.
I’ve retired my knitting needles while in the early years of mothering (2 under 2), but would love if you shared your knitting and take on the cross section of moms that knit (are you familiar with Felicia Semple of The Craft Sessions?). I’m a new paid subscriber and working my way through the archive so forgive me if you’ve shared some of that already.
A bit of a ramble: Something I’ve been turning over and sort of trying to figure out is how the American capitalist patriarchal ideals are so tough (for everyone, but also) my neurodivergent brain that when I do get it “right” it feels worth sharing. (Though I don’t and I don’t engage with social media outside of Substack rn.) I wonder if the little hidden step between it being unrealistic and it being effortless lies somewhere in the space of it being so hard that when you’re able to comply it’s worth celebrating? Of course not sharing that step just puts more pressure on those consuming the shares/content and ultimately further puts those things on a pedestal. This isn’t a question, but I would love to hear more about how ADHD/autistic people that are moms are consuming the ideals put forth by momfluencers. KC Davis seems like someone that could maybe speak to some of that experience.
Are you hearing about any momfluencer upcoming trends/etc coming into the new year? Will this be the year we see the influencers spending on AI etc to produce product screenshots or other new technology or trends etc? I have wondered with all the browser changes/ad changes if this will change how they make money if they are doing things like like to know it or will they go back old school blogging etc! I have no idea 🤷♀️
Oooh that's a great question and I really don't know? I can't imagine we'll ever go back to a time where we can't click through an influencer's page to buy whatever it might be, but I do know that lots of momfluencers become frustrated at being beholden to apps to make their money. Many women I spoke to for the book talked about diversifying, starting podcasts, leaning into their side hustles, and starting newsletters, simply because the big tech companies still really control their destinies. I mean, if Instagram shuttered tomorrow, so many creators would be screwed (if they didn't also have their own email lists or blogs or . . . )
Such a good question!
Is this a Zoom AMA?
Nope just chatting here!
Sorry I missed it. I would consider something earlier! I’m in CA and was in the dinner/sports practice vortex...😵💫
Does the newsletter feel like a day job? As in, is there writing that you want to get to but can’t bc of a deadline? Hi, Sara!
oh HI! Yes it definitely does. While I try to chase my obsessions and curiosities, I also stick to a strict publishing schedule, which necessitates writing or researching or reading when I'd rather not? Lol. Writing very rarely (for me anyway) feels like it's pouring out of me effortlessly. Mostly, it feels hard - on good days, in a good way. If that makes sense!
I should also say I've deliberately tried to MAKE THIS my day job, which I feel so lucky to even attempt.
That is such a key distinction! 🙌
What keeps you awake at night about the momfluencer industry? If anything...
Lol golly that is a good one. And I think my honest answer is that momfluencer culture doesn't keep me up anymore? But I think that's only because I delved so deeply into it for my book. I DO 100% dream about certain momfluencers though. The fact that parasocial relationships can infiltrate our DREAMS will never cease to amaze me.
Do you think you finally got it out of your system after doing such extensive research?
I mean I think it lost a lot of power over me to make me FEEL certain ways (although not ALL power). Like, I'm so much less attracted to maternal ideals now that I've researched where all these ideals stem from (white men in power trying to hold onto power!!) I think the aspect of momfluencer culture that still depresses me/worries me, though, is certainly the super conservative/QAnon adjacent/anti-feminist sphere of momfluencers. And understanding why these momfluencers have risen to such prominence also depresses me!