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Obviously, showering in waterfalls!! The simultaneous “you can be a virgin AND a whore!💅” message (Eve was an anti-values slut but li’l Evie knows how to taste great!🥰) is bending my brain. Women’s magazines are so so canonically weird and confusing, but this one takes the cake, which Evie baked but naturally did not eat. Only non-critical-thinking women eat sugar unless you’re eating to make your man weak at the knees🙏! (Swap in “unambitious” for non-critical-thinking and we’re in Cosmo, i.e. women’s magazines sigh.) Also, I wondered at first if the copy is all AI, but perhaps headlines like that take a very human twisted talent. And, my lord, the grift all over this enterprise!!!!

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omg omg "which evie baked but naturally did not eat." AND YES major madonna/whore energy going on here - thank you for pointing that ou!

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Forgot to include up top: This piece was such a good read!!!!! I am an unabashed Clean Countertops super fan.

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22 hrs agoLiked by Sara Petersen

This quote sums up why I love your writing “The use of the term “anti-values” is your first sign that this publication will be offering something special for the conservative gal about town.” So funny 😂

Also - saving this for my tween to read later, it’s a great exploration of how to be a more discerning reader and consumer of content. Esp the discussion about the polling and research 🙌🏻

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lol AN HONOR to hit the tween audience thank you!

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Wow, this was such an interesting read. Thanks for the deep dive, I learned so much. Laugh-cringing at milkmaid dresses to drive your husband wild!

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Brilliant piece of journalism. Thanks for all the work on this one 🙌

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thank you sarah!!

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Woohoo--I was excited to see this in my inbox this morning and it did not disappoint!

Evie really should be titled Cognitive Dissonance: For Her because it’s the epitome of modern MAGA conservatism today. Because the actual policies and ideas are deeply unpopular, leaders have to repackage them to make them seem appealing with aesthetics or the assurance that you’re not being rejected for your regressive views, you’re just a too-cool-for-school rebel who can be a little naughty, but only in the confines of a biblical marriage and as long as you’re pumping out as many babies as possible.

I think it also shows why conservative pundits are now so mad about the ads encouraging women married to conservative husbands to vote how they like, and not by their husband’s orders. I think there’s a non-negligible number of these women who are the Squidward in the meme where he’s sad and watching SpongeBob and Patrick frolic and play outside, and if voting for who they want is a first step in asserting their own agency, that’s a good thing! I think that it also terrifies the crap out of conservative men because it undermines their illusions of total control.

Voting for who you want is a much, much better assertion of agency than signing up for a period-tracking MLM opportunity. I mean, they’re not even trying to hide it with that “earn income” pyramid shape!

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this is reminding me of how jen (in secret lives of mormon wives) was deemed the one who sent the raciest photos to her husband. she's also the one married to the most conservative asshole! so like - yes - you can be "naughty" but only if you stay in your male-controlled lane!

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What I loved is in an instagram post about the evils of birth control Brittany Martinez says “Women’s health is not a political issue. It is a health issue. The government has no business interfering with our personal health”

And I thought you said this was a conservative magazine! 🤣

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lol lol EXCELLENT observation!

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I need a deep dive into this rhythm method birth control mlm, WOW!

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