The best thing a stranger online did for herself as a mother
It involves "dyed to order" gauze
If someone were to ask “what’s the best thing you’ve done for yourself as a mother?” what might you say?
A few options that come to mind for me include:
carving out an entire hour every day to do something wholly unrelated to one’s identity as a mother
therapy
couples’ therapy if applicable
a good book
a good podcast
advocating for humane paid leave policies at one’s workplace
prioritizing rest and sleep
identifying one’s unicorn space
interrogating the difference between escapism as faux self-care and boundaries as real self-care (more about all of that coming soon from my interview with
!)mothering myself (or letting my exercise instructors mother me instead)
detaching from social media
saying no to shit
saying yes to shit
distinguishing between optional hobbies (aspirational laundry rooms) and morally neutral care tasks (ensuring the availability of clean laundry).
talking to literally anyone about signature Bath and Body scents because nineties nostalgia is fun as hell
If none of these suggestions feel adequate or suited to your particular needs, I have one more option for maternal self-care courtesy of THE ALGORITHM.
Have you ever found yourself feeling depleted and wondering if maybe designing a pair of “pajamas that you can legitimately wear all day and feel amazing” would improve your quality of life as a mom? Because that’s what this gal did! To quote her directly: “The best thing I did for myself as a mother of five was design pajamas that you can legitimately wear all day and feel amazing.”
TO BE CLEAR, I want these pajama clothes, but there is no way I could/would ever quantify the purchase of pajama clothes, no matter how cute or comfy, as “something I’m doing for myself as a mother.” Clicking “purchase now” does not count as active, meaningful maternal self-care, but because maternal self-care is fucking HARD TO COME BY (we’re not encouraged to think about it let alone prioritize it), it makes sense that ads like this are effective.
It is far easier to passively click one’s way towards the ownership of fancy clothes pajamas than it is to have a difficult conversation with a spouse, for example. It is far easier to enter promo code “ImNewHere” at checkout than it is to grapple with caretaking fatigue or feelings of betrayal stemming from the multiple broken or nonexistent systems propping up institutional American motherhood. It is far easier to “count on a [clothing] set with little to no effort” when you can’t count on your government valuing mothers’ labor or bodily autonomy. So $250 for pajama clothes as maternal self-care. It’s bound to work.
Right?
I love soft pants as much as the next person. but if I had 5 children (hard pass, thank you), I would not have my stress levels lowered by walking around in a $250 cream colored stain magnet all day.
I want these pyjamas too. There's something about the "lounge set" that became popular over the last few years that is very seductive. I definitely would prefer to think of wearing pyjamas all day as a fashionable choice and not something I did by default because I never got a spare moment to shower and change.