In the past couple weeks, I’ve begun to feel a visceral dread of the word “dinner” coming out of my mouth. The phonics of the word, as it emerges from my lips, is pure hell. It sounds thudding and muddy and like it’s in slow motion. And worst of all, it MEANS NOTHING. It’s a combination of sounds that bops around the room and makes zero impact on the lives of the three children it’s being directed at.
“Please eat your dinner before whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to do right now.”
“Sit down for dinner.”
“Dinner’s ready.”
“Finish your dinner so we can head up for showers.”
“Your dinner’s getting cold.”
“You haven’t eaten your dinner.”
“I thought you were hungry for dinner.”
“Did you eat enough dinner?”
“It’s time for dinner not cartwheeling.”
I WANT THE BURN THE WORD DINNER.
As parents, there are so many reminders to give, so many WORDS we must use. And I want to know, which one sends the most shivers up your spine? Which one do you wield at least 137 times a day even if it’s actually only heard once or twice IF AT ALL?
“Just give me a minute”, said a million times per day to deflect the million daily requests from my 4 year old. To be fair, I usually need more than a minute.
I don't have to remind my kid, but other adults: "Allergies" "She's allergic" "She cannot have it - it has allergens." I am honestly so tired of listing the five different foods she's allergic to and watching parents faces as I, once again, explain how we found out. And the number of times I have to remind my family what she can and cannot eat - I am about to make business cards so I don't have to say it for the 100th time TODAY.
"One thing at a time!" I even have a little song, "One thing at a tiiiiime!" My 4yo just asks me for 75,000 things in a row and gets very impatient when I can't deliver on each request instantaneously. Luckily I think I've now said "One thing at a tiiiime" so many times that she's starting to remember it, sometimes? Every once in a very lucky blue moon she'll be like, "Can I have an Oreo? Can I have water? Can you get my art out of my backpack? One thing at a time!" LOL/dies
I’m going to go with brush your teeth/have you brushed your teeth yet- it only needs to happen twice a day and yet every instance is met with shock and drama. After a good last appointment, I let almost 8 yo brush his teeth without supervision and yet I still have to ask at least 4-5 times. 5 yo now refuses to brush his teeth in the bathroom and wants to lay down in bed- bc he’s so tired?! Any suggestion that we should perhaps move tooth brushing to right before showering when we are less tired has been met with horror.
And telling my 5 yo to use the bathroom before bed is met with similar drama on his part- thankfully he has been a dry at night kid since before he turned 3 and I know he can sleep like 11.5 hours and still be dry but I don’t know why the same routine every night has to be met with such pushback.
Almost 13-year-old kid in our house for whom tooth-brushing is the hill on which early adolescent snark, rebellion, and spaciness will NEVER DIE. My mouth makes the shapes of “go brush your teeth” even while I’m watching WNBA games.
Omg do we have the same kids? Our 10yo now has a habit of immediately lying and saying “I did!” after we ask him to brush. And our 6yo hates going to the bathroom right before bed. Sending solidarity to get these kids to do basic care tasks!
My husband and I have the talk all the time that we know there’s some aspect of them lacking the task initiation executive functioning skill but we truly don’t know how to provide more scaffolding to these particular skills. This morning I did see my oldest actually stay in the bathroom until he was ready- told his brother he went to the bathroom, brushed teeth, fixed hair and put on chapstick. And I said ok maybe it will get better soon?!
came here to say this exact same thing. "brush your teeth", "don't forget to brush the spot that you always miss", "did you floss?", "the toothbrush should be moving in your mouth; it's not a lollipop" are probably things i say even in my sleep now.
Similar to the Dinner issue, my son started kindergarten and his school has free breakfast and lunch. Amazing. All schools should do this everywhere. Husband and I are finally released from packing lunches after years of doing so for daycare. But the boy won't EAT. They have options! Including a sunbutter and jelly sandwich every day that is probably almost completely the same as what we'd make him at home. But he's refusing anything "new" at both school and aftercare, where they have a CHEF that makes a real dinner! He has dug in his heels and comes home HANGRY every day. All suggestions to TRY the food are met with "EW GROSS". So the phrase "what did you eat today?" is very triggering for me right now. Also when my husband asks any version of "what should we have for dinner?" sends me in to a rage, for all the usual reasons around decision making fatigue parents/adults experience.
"Wash your hands". Somehow the response is "I already did" even if I was standing right there as they walked past the sink without looking at it.
Also *they* ask *me* ten thousand times a day what's for dinner, often beginning immediately after breakfast. As if overnight I invented a new food to join the pantheon of three dinner-like substances they are willing to ingest.
My mom used to answer that question with "Air sauce and wind pudding" confirming the ridiculousness of that question. When I tried it on my grandkids, all I got was quizzical looks!
Ugh, the word dinner needs to burn. And the PLANNING and SHOPPING for dinner.
Rushed calls to kids from the shop: "Do we have milk/bolognese sauce/bread?" are met with childish ennui or utter bewilderment. Did we ever have bread? What is bread, anyway?
And let's not forget my adult dinner partner. When I ask what he WANTS FOR DINNER, he just looks at me, crushed under the weight of a thousand suns.
Maybe you can get them mobilized for dinner by preemptively answering tomorrow’s “what’s for breakfast?” (It’s whatever you’ve cooked for dinner that’s getting cold. Too mean?) You could also say “suppa’s ready everybody come on in!” just to amuse yourself. Fun to say even when you are being ignored.
Last night, my feverish ass thought that saying “I can’t make d$&@*[let’s be real, it’s a foul word] because I can’t stand up for long enough” was met with a blank stare (“weight of a 1000 suns” is accurate) from my partner followed by 8000 potential d$&@“ plans. When I waved my hands around my head and said “mental load, just decide” we ended up with the first option. Then said partner decided he needed to go get me a Covid test right THEN and I ended up making it all myself anyway, with some help from the 6 yr old who I think saw me leaning against the stove and got worried. I will end him before this is over, I’m sure of it now.
“What’s your homework?” Because 1) My daughter might have forgotten to write it down 2) She will whine about having to do it (she once spent 25 minutes retrieving her workbook and crawling down the hallway with it) and 3) I have to supervise her doing it. Is it just me, or is homework for elementary students is really homework for parents?
“Hannah, we don’t have time for this right now.” My almost 5 year old daughter is sweet and cooperative and though not diagnosed certainly appears to have the same ADHD tendencies that plague me. I am constantly herding her through our morning routine because if left unchecked, she starts to play Magic School Bus with her dolls while I am in the bathroom for 2 minutes and suddenly doesn’t want to stop her story because “she’s not finished yet!” We have a strong routine, but she’s been iffy on dinner lately and is requiring an AM snack at 8 instead of being placated by a car snack on the way to preschool where she gets breakfast at 9:15. I have been a couple minutes late to work the last two days (she is in preK where I work as an infant teacher from 9-6) because I am just not succeeding at keeping her on task.
You are not allowed to move your (baby) sister's body to my six-year-old. CONSTANT SQUEEZING and touching and sometimes she squeezes water from a syringe onto her head? Why does she do that!!
Has she ever seen a baptism? The first time my 5 yo saw one about 2 years ago, he said “Oh no why is that baby getting drowned with that water?” Then 3 seconds later- “I want to pour water on a baby!”
"Please brush your teeth" "did you brush yet?" "let's not make brushing a big thing tonight, ok?" "this is the fifth time I've asked" "what is so hard about just brushing your teeth?" " "remember what happens to teeth when we don't brush?" "you don't want me to have to tell the dentist you're refusing to brush, do you?" "do you just want me to brush them for you?" "wait, are you eating a snack AFTER you brushed your teeth?" This is just one night's worth.
We have had the same morning routine every year for school. Yet every single morning it’s like the first time. Met with stubbornness and fussing and “it’s too early.”
Kid. I know. I don’t wanna get ready for school, I’m not even the one freaking going.
Breakfast. Get dressed. Hair and teeth. Socks and shoes. Water bottle. Let’s go. Any variation of those simple commands need to be buried alive.
To top it off. This kid wants macaroni and cheese for breakfast at least three times a week. What is that?!
Just repeatedly myself endlessly and after I've said one thing 903482 times, if I dare raise my voice slightly, I get met with WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME, MOM?!?!
That's when I excuse myself and tell my partner, Your turn!!
“What.” Thats the word. I cannot answer “mom?!” Anymore. It’s never an actual need. It’s just like they need to know I’m still breathing or something. I just cannot anymore.
On vacation 2 years ago, I was trying to keep my middle kid in check in a store full of little souvenirs. I kept saying his name over and over again. Not in a "where are you?" But in a "hey knock it off way." But then I overheard the saleswoman mocking me (saying my kid's name over and over again) and I realized a) we needed to leave the store and b) I was using my kid's name too much and not effectively.
“Gentle hands!” 100x per day to my kid who enthusiastically handles our very tolerant cat as if she is a stuffie and not a living creature. Kitty can and (rarely) will defend herself with claws and I gotta say… I’m usually on the cat’s side when thread natural consequences occur.
“I hear you. Please be patient.” Sometimes it’s said calmly and kindly. Other times it’s said with force and fury.
Then this morning, after asking my one and only almost 5 year old to please eat breakfast now (I think my second used phrase is “you’re hangry.”) she comes back with “You need to be patient.” 👌🏻🥸
love when our gentle parenting phrases turn violent lol - apropos of NOTHING - today it's raining and as my kid was headed to bustop I said "grab your raincoat." HIS RESPONSE?!?!?!?! "WHY?"
BrushYourTeeth BrushYourTeeth BrushYourTeeth! It’s a constant refrain from 7 to 7:15, there’s never a good time for it. Always something more interesting to do. It does indeed feel meaningless, and it flies out of my mouth even though I know this.
'Is your homework finished?' tied with 'did you finish everything you need to do?' My kiddo has ADHD and executive functioning skills are a constant issue.
“Just give me a minute”, said a million times per day to deflect the million daily requests from my 4 year old. To be fair, I usually need more than a minute.
I don't have to remind my kid, but other adults: "Allergies" "She's allergic" "She cannot have it - it has allergens." I am honestly so tired of listing the five different foods she's allergic to and watching parents faces as I, once again, explain how we found out. And the number of times I have to remind my family what she can and cannot eat - I am about to make business cards so I don't have to say it for the 100th time TODAY.
Having a kid with food allergies can be the pits.
I think you SHOULD make business cards!! That must be very stressful and discouraging for you.
“Stop that”.
It doesn’t stop it.
"One thing at a time!" I even have a little song, "One thing at a tiiiiime!" My 4yo just asks me for 75,000 things in a row and gets very impatient when I can't deliver on each request instantaneously. Luckily I think I've now said "One thing at a tiiiime" so many times that she's starting to remember it, sometimes? Every once in a very lucky blue moon she'll be like, "Can I have an Oreo? Can I have water? Can you get my art out of my backpack? One thing at a time!" LOL/dies
I like the musical strategy!
"That's not safe" to my 3 yo. To the point where he now says "mommy watch, i'm gonna do something not safe. i'm gonna be dangerous." Epic fail lol.
I’m going to go with brush your teeth/have you brushed your teeth yet- it only needs to happen twice a day and yet every instance is met with shock and drama. After a good last appointment, I let almost 8 yo brush his teeth without supervision and yet I still have to ask at least 4-5 times. 5 yo now refuses to brush his teeth in the bathroom and wants to lay down in bed- bc he’s so tired?! Any suggestion that we should perhaps move tooth brushing to right before showering when we are less tired has been met with horror.
And telling my 5 yo to use the bathroom before bed is met with similar drama on his part- thankfully he has been a dry at night kid since before he turned 3 and I know he can sleep like 11.5 hours and still be dry but I don’t know why the same routine every night has to be met with such pushback.
Almost 13-year-old kid in our house for whom tooth-brushing is the hill on which early adolescent snark, rebellion, and spaciness will NEVER DIE. My mouth makes the shapes of “go brush your teeth” even while I’m watching WNBA games.
Omg do we have the same kids? Our 10yo now has a habit of immediately lying and saying “I did!” after we ask him to brush. And our 6yo hates going to the bathroom right before bed. Sending solidarity to get these kids to do basic care tasks!
My husband and I have the talk all the time that we know there’s some aspect of them lacking the task initiation executive functioning skill but we truly don’t know how to provide more scaffolding to these particular skills. This morning I did see my oldest actually stay in the bathroom until he was ready- told his brother he went to the bathroom, brushed teeth, fixed hair and put on chapstick. And I said ok maybe it will get better soon?!
It's WILD how much this bothers them. You literally have to do it forever! Get used to it!!!
came here to say this exact same thing. "brush your teeth", "don't forget to brush the spot that you always miss", "did you floss?", "the toothbrush should be moving in your mouth; it's not a lollipop" are probably things i say even in my sleep now.
Similar to the Dinner issue, my son started kindergarten and his school has free breakfast and lunch. Amazing. All schools should do this everywhere. Husband and I are finally released from packing lunches after years of doing so for daycare. But the boy won't EAT. They have options! Including a sunbutter and jelly sandwich every day that is probably almost completely the same as what we'd make him at home. But he's refusing anything "new" at both school and aftercare, where they have a CHEF that makes a real dinner! He has dug in his heels and comes home HANGRY every day. All suggestions to TRY the food are met with "EW GROSS". So the phrase "what did you eat today?" is very triggering for me right now. Also when my husband asks any version of "what should we have for dinner?" sends me in to a rage, for all the usual reasons around decision making fatigue parents/adults experience.
"Wash your hands". Somehow the response is "I already did" even if I was standing right there as they walked past the sink without looking at it.
Also *they* ask *me* ten thousand times a day what's for dinner, often beginning immediately after breakfast. As if overnight I invented a new food to join the pantheon of three dinner-like substances they are willing to ingest.
lol
My mom used to answer that question with "Air sauce and wind pudding" confirming the ridiculousness of that question. When I tried it on my grandkids, all I got was quizzical looks!
Ugh, the word dinner needs to burn. And the PLANNING and SHOPPING for dinner.
Rushed calls to kids from the shop: "Do we have milk/bolognese sauce/bread?" are met with childish ennui or utter bewilderment. Did we ever have bread? What is bread, anyway?
And let's not forget my adult dinner partner. When I ask what he WANTS FOR DINNER, he just looks at me, crushed under the weight of a thousand suns.
YES the "what's for breakfast" question from my kids is also truly maddening. THE SAME ASSORTMENT OF FOODS WE ALWAYS HAVE MY SWEET ONES.
Maybe you can get them mobilized for dinner by preemptively answering tomorrow’s “what’s for breakfast?” (It’s whatever you’ve cooked for dinner that’s getting cold. Too mean?) You could also say “suppa’s ready everybody come on in!” just to amuse yourself. Fun to say even when you are being ignored.
Last night, my feverish ass thought that saying “I can’t make d$&@*[let’s be real, it’s a foul word] because I can’t stand up for long enough” was met with a blank stare (“weight of a 1000 suns” is accurate) from my partner followed by 8000 potential d$&@“ plans. When I waved my hands around my head and said “mental load, just decide” we ended up with the first option. Then said partner decided he needed to go get me a Covid test right THEN and I ended up making it all myself anyway, with some help from the 6 yr old who I think saw me leaning against the stove and got worried. I will end him before this is over, I’m sure of it now.
OMG this is hilarious. You can't stand up and still had to make d$&@*. There's another get-out snuffed out!
“What’s your homework?” Because 1) My daughter might have forgotten to write it down 2) She will whine about having to do it (she once spent 25 minutes retrieving her workbook and crawling down the hallway with it) and 3) I have to supervise her doing it. Is it just me, or is homework for elementary students is really homework for parents?
“Hannah, we don’t have time for this right now.” My almost 5 year old daughter is sweet and cooperative and though not diagnosed certainly appears to have the same ADHD tendencies that plague me. I am constantly herding her through our morning routine because if left unchecked, she starts to play Magic School Bus with her dolls while I am in the bathroom for 2 minutes and suddenly doesn’t want to stop her story because “she’s not finished yet!” We have a strong routine, but she’s been iffy on dinner lately and is requiring an AM snack at 8 instead of being placated by a car snack on the way to preschool where she gets breakfast at 9:15. I have been a couple minutes late to work the last two days (she is in preK where I work as an infant teacher from 9-6) because I am just not succeeding at keeping her on task.
i gotta say - the magic school bus game sounds adorable - not helpful I KNOW lol
She’s absolutely adorable when she does it for sure- I love her imagination! Just don’t have time for it in the morning before school!
You are not allowed to move your (baby) sister's body to my six-year-old. CONSTANT SQUEEZING and touching and sometimes she squeezes water from a syringe onto her head? Why does she do that!!
lollll i'm sure she has EXCELLENT reasons
Has she ever seen a baptism? The first time my 5 yo saw one about 2 years ago, he said “Oh no why is that baby getting drowned with that water?” Then 3 seconds later- “I want to pour water on a baby!”
"Please brush your teeth" "did you brush yet?" "let's not make brushing a big thing tonight, ok?" "this is the fifth time I've asked" "what is so hard about just brushing your teeth?" " "remember what happens to teeth when we don't brush?" "you don't want me to have to tell the dentist you're refusing to brush, do you?" "do you just want me to brush them for you?" "wait, are you eating a snack AFTER you brushed your teeth?" This is just one night's worth.
oh i have no doubt it's not even the FULL routine!!
"time to clean up" "can you please clean that up?" "let's do some clean up"
I AM SICK OF HEARING MYSELF.
We have had the same morning routine every year for school. Yet every single morning it’s like the first time. Met with stubbornness and fussing and “it’s too early.”
Kid. I know. I don’t wanna get ready for school, I’m not even the one freaking going.
Breakfast. Get dressed. Hair and teeth. Socks and shoes. Water bottle. Let’s go. Any variation of those simple commands need to be buried alive.
To top it off. This kid wants macaroni and cheese for breakfast at least three times a week. What is that?!
Do you need the toilet? (Aimed at my 6 and 3 year old constantly.)
All of these plus please get off the SCREEN!!!!!!
Screen time . It’s all we ever talk about, especially on summer vacation, despite the hard boundaries I already made years ago.
"No more weeing in water pistols and shooting it at me"
"if you're not going to choose, your choosing for me to choose." As if I didn't have enough decision fatigue.
Just repeatedly myself endlessly and after I've said one thing 903482 times, if I dare raise my voice slightly, I get met with WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME, MOM?!?!
That's when I excuse myself and tell my partner, Your turn!!
100% - this is also fun after the child in question has been yelling at YOU
OH MY GOSH MY ABSOLUTE FAVE :-P
‘It’s not time for a (another) snack’ 😭
“What.” Thats the word. I cannot answer “mom?!” Anymore. It’s never an actual need. It’s just like they need to know I’m still breathing or something. I just cannot anymore.
On vacation 2 years ago, I was trying to keep my middle kid in check in a store full of little souvenirs. I kept saying his name over and over again. Not in a "where are you?" But in a "hey knock it off way." But then I overheard the saleswoman mocking me (saying my kid's name over and over again) and I realized a) we needed to leave the store and b) I was using my kid's name too much and not effectively.
“Gentle hands!” 100x per day to my kid who enthusiastically handles our very tolerant cat as if she is a stuffie and not a living creature. Kitty can and (rarely) will defend herself with claws and I gotta say… I’m usually on the cat’s side when thread natural consequences occur.
for SURE
“Are you going to do x or is momma gonna do it?”
“Momma do it”
“I hear you. Please be patient.” Sometimes it’s said calmly and kindly. Other times it’s said with force and fury.
Then this morning, after asking my one and only almost 5 year old to please eat breakfast now (I think my second used phrase is “you’re hangry.”) she comes back with “You need to be patient.” 👌🏻🥸
love when our gentle parenting phrases turn violent lol - apropos of NOTHING - today it's raining and as my kid was headed to bustop I said "grab your raincoat." HIS RESPONSE?!?!?!?! "WHY?"
I'm writing this from the other side, friends.
"No more weeing in water pistols and shooting it at me"
"No more weeing in water pistols and shooting it at me"
lol! Thank you for this! Funny and true!
BrushYourTeeth BrushYourTeeth BrushYourTeeth! It’s a constant refrain from 7 to 7:15, there’s never a good time for it. Always something more interesting to do. It does indeed feel meaningless, and it flies out of my mouth even though I know this.
I have a velcro 3 yo who refuses to do anything without me. I've probably said "Just a minute" a thousand times since he was born.
Put the phone ( IPad, game boy etc ) away … ugh
'Is your homework finished?' tied with 'did you finish everything you need to do?' My kiddo has ADHD and executive functioning skills are a constant issue.
it's WILD how mentally taxing it is to be the person in charge of remembering EVERYTHING.
a fundamentally unappreciated skillset!!!!!
The irony is that I too have ADHD. Sigh.
PREACH
Dinner in general is #1. #2 is stop making fart noises and talking about your butt.
Oh I forgot about “please stop making mouth noises.” 10,000 times in the five minute drive from school to home. At least.