Also it’s NEVER the time for performative momming on social media so moms who don’t love this stage of life feel bad about it. For all we know this woman had a few good days and reflected on it and thought ‘wow isn’t it great’ then she got her period, the kids were yelling, her husband was nowhere to be found to help and she was just as pissed as the rest of us about the lack of help there is for moms. Ugh.
Just flashed back to how I felt as a newly postpartum mother and tapped into how alienated and rage-y this would have made me. Agree about letting go of “shoulds” but absolutely no to letting go of our sense of ourselves.
We're allowed to like different things in different ways...some people like camping, others don't. Some like staying up late others like going to be early. Some people like watching ballet, others would never. I don't understand why we're all "supposed" to enjoy motherhood the exact same way. For me, breastfeeding felt like a prison. I hated the short leash it kept me on when my babies refused to drink from a bottle. In 21 days I'm moving from a small house to a larger one and I CANNOT wait to have a little more space, a little more breathing room. I know there are families of 12 living in one room houses on the other side of the world and they're happy, but I need more space or I'm going to lose my mind.
That being said, I have told myself some of the stuff in this video multiple times. Like it's not the time for fancy vacations. Everyone is happier if the kids are happy on vacation. I'd be lying if I said the occasional trip to Walmart alone didn't feel like a "break".
For sure! Same! I just think we can also afford to dream bigger for ourselves you know? I think this narrative of self-care being a shower without a kid in the bathroom or whatever as being as good as it gets keeps us from raising expectations for what moms deserve AND NEED. If we all had access to affordable childcare, for example, we could go to Walmart alone AND go to therapy AND go for a solitary walk AND read a book chapter (or whatever).
Oh, man. We didn't take a vacation for 7 years (until our youngest hit 4) because we knew we'd just be struggling to care for kids in another location; in short, the purpose of taking a vacation (relaxing) wouldn't be fulfilled. It was the right choice for us.
This made me very curious about when they do their film editing! Having a hard time picturing these two juggling tech whilst "finding joy in the mundane."
“Joy in the mundane” is about connecting, right? Feeling totally connected to the moment and who you’re with or what you’re noticing. Nobody can be connected and present alllllll the time. Breaks are healthy! Rest is healthy! Constant presence is exhausting. Parenting can be exhausting. Nobody can find joy in anything, mundane or not, if all their cylinders are misfiring on empty.
Right! Like, FOR SURE I am an enteral work in progress in terms of being present but alsoooooo I don't think I'm a dick if I'd rather pop into a fave podcast while kids are doing whatever and I'm folding laundry, ya know? Escape from the mundane is lovely sometimes!
As the mother of two teens, with at least a decade's worth of distance from toddlerhood, I can definitively state that I DO NOT miss "the smallness." The few standout cute, sweet, memorable moments have been captured in photos, and I'm grateful to have those to look back on. But even when I see a a photo of my 2-month old daughter smiling, I can still vividly remember the reality that existed beyond the limits of that photo: the colic, the sporadic 20-minute naps, the need for her to be constantly carried or rocked, and the incompetence and helplessness that I felt as a brand new mom. Her brother, born 3 years later, was a much easier baby, which made it easier to appreciate "smallness", but the labor (and often frustration) of caring for small children still occupied the foreground of my life.
It's okay to NOT miss this time, to find caring for babies and toddlers to be a laborious pain in the ass, and to feel relief at your kids being past this point of childhood. Good for the OP if she can appreciate the "smallness", but those of us who like our kids now more than when they were babies, those are valid feelings too.
Also it’s NEVER the time for performative momming on social media so moms who don’t love this stage of life feel bad about it. For all we know this woman had a few good days and reflected on it and thought ‘wow isn’t it great’ then she got her period, the kids were yelling, her husband was nowhere to be found to help and she was just as pissed as the rest of us about the lack of help there is for moms. Ugh.
Just flashed back to how I felt as a newly postpartum mother and tapped into how alienated and rage-y this would have made me. Agree about letting go of “shoulds” but absolutely no to letting go of our sense of ourselves.
This 100% would've plunged me into icy despair as a first time mom.
This gave me flashbacks to postpartum depression, isolation and lack of meaningful support. No fucking thank you.
We're allowed to like different things in different ways...some people like camping, others don't. Some like staying up late others like going to be early. Some people like watching ballet, others would never. I don't understand why we're all "supposed" to enjoy motherhood the exact same way. For me, breastfeeding felt like a prison. I hated the short leash it kept me on when my babies refused to drink from a bottle. In 21 days I'm moving from a small house to a larger one and I CANNOT wait to have a little more space, a little more breathing room. I know there are families of 12 living in one room houses on the other side of the world and they're happy, but I need more space or I'm going to lose my mind.
YES! This idea that the fact of simply having kids makes us all the same is ridicccccc.
That being said, I have told myself some of the stuff in this video multiple times. Like it's not the time for fancy vacations. Everyone is happier if the kids are happy on vacation. I'd be lying if I said the occasional trip to Walmart alone didn't feel like a "break".
For sure! Same! I just think we can also afford to dream bigger for ourselves you know? I think this narrative of self-care being a shower without a kid in the bathroom or whatever as being as good as it gets keeps us from raising expectations for what moms deserve AND NEED. If we all had access to affordable childcare, for example, we could go to Walmart alone AND go to therapy AND go for a solitary walk AND read a book chapter (or whatever).
Oh, man. We didn't take a vacation for 7 years (until our youngest hit 4) because we knew we'd just be struggling to care for kids in another location; in short, the purpose of taking a vacation (relaxing) wouldn't be fulfilled. It was the right choice for us.
This made me very curious about when they do their film editing! Having a hard time picturing these two juggling tech whilst "finding joy in the mundane."
Also alone time at Walmart is just so sad.
“Joy in the mundane” is about connecting, right? Feeling totally connected to the moment and who you’re with or what you’re noticing. Nobody can be connected and present alllllll the time. Breaks are healthy! Rest is healthy! Constant presence is exhausting. Parenting can be exhausting. Nobody can find joy in anything, mundane or not, if all their cylinders are misfiring on empty.
Right! Like, FOR SURE I am an enteral work in progress in terms of being present but alsoooooo I don't think I'm a dick if I'd rather pop into a fave podcast while kids are doing whatever and I'm folding laundry, ya know? Escape from the mundane is lovely sometimes!
As the mother of two teens, with at least a decade's worth of distance from toddlerhood, I can definitively state that I DO NOT miss "the smallness." The few standout cute, sweet, memorable moments have been captured in photos, and I'm grateful to have those to look back on. But even when I see a a photo of my 2-month old daughter smiling, I can still vividly remember the reality that existed beyond the limits of that photo: the colic, the sporadic 20-minute naps, the need for her to be constantly carried or rocked, and the incompetence and helplessness that I felt as a brand new mom. Her brother, born 3 years later, was a much easier baby, which made it easier to appreciate "smallness", but the labor (and often frustration) of caring for small children still occupied the foreground of my life.
It's okay to NOT miss this time, to find caring for babies and toddlers to be a laborious pain in the ass, and to feel relief at your kids being past this point of childhood. Good for the OP if she can appreciate the "smallness", but those of us who like our kids now more than when they were babies, those are valid feelings too.
CHEERING