Who do these jeans think I am?

A Very Serious Investigation

I want to to be one of two people when I get dressed to be seen. A Christie Dawn model slash 2024 version of any number of Lucy Maud Montgomery heroines wearing some sort of “filmy material” that “clings to my curves” in a comfortable, gardening-goddess type of way. OR a slightly irreverent version of Christopher Robin. Boxy tops, Grandpa cardigans, and cuffed bottoms. Sneakers or farm boots or (in my dreams but not in reality) vintage penny loafers.

My Instagram algorithm must understand this second version of my imagined self, because they fed me the following ad.

All images in this piece are from Mott and Bow

Christopher Robin Sara is equally at home tramping (it has to be tramping) through muddy fields in search of adventure AND rushing to be on time for a poetry reading in Brooklyn Heights. Clearly, the jeans in the above photo meet my Christopher Robin requirements. The wash looks worn by life rather than artifice and the cut is sort of French girl borrowing her boyfriend’s jeans. Note the jaunty cock of the ankle. As the target consumer (since I got the ad, I MUST be the target consumer, right? right?????), I feel confident about clicking “shop now” despite slight misgivings about the uncool emphasis on “butt-lift technology” (cool butts don’t worry about themselves) and the idea that denim might be a good travel companion?

Reader, when I was redirected to Mott and Bow’s homepage, this is what I was met with.

The red door is giving Talbots which is NOT how my wanna-be-cool self wants to be greeted. The jeans in this photo are . . . jeggings? Christopher Robin Sara does not wear jeggings. She wears non-stretch selvedge denim. The Sara writing this newsletter doesn’t actually own any non-stretch selvedge denim because the Sara writing this newsletter likes sitting. But that’s neither here nor there! Brands are in the business of fantasy NOT reality. And these are not the jeans I was promised in the first ad - jeans that would confirm that yes I am charmingly puckish and effortlessly chic according to this chick’s own internalized and definitely warped little fantasy of self.

Perplexed, but not without hope, I continued to traverse both Mott and Bow’s website and Instagram, and what I found there made me launch a Very Important Investigation into WHO THE FUCK MOTT AND BOW IS TRYING TO SELL JEANS TO.

Is Mott and Bow trying to sell jeans to that person WE ALL KNOW - you know - the person who thinks that bullying people into pulling on her jeans is an acceptable party trick despite all evidence to the contrary?

Is Mott and Bow trying to sell jeans to aspiring hottie influencers who may or may not be about to fuck?

Is Mott and Bow trying to sell jeans to - sorry I can’t come up with any sort of recognizable archetype for this image - it defies sane categorization. Low rise jeans in a rinse that is clearly meant for high rise jeans which are cuffed (again, fitting for the rinse) and then paired with SNAKESKIN HEELS? Did the comms team at Kensington Palace create this image?

Is Mott and Bow trying to sell jeans to a girl shopping for a going-out top at Express circa 2005?

Is Mott and Bow trying to sell jeans to the type of person who is impressed by THIS GUY?

Is Mott and Bow trying to sell jeans to someone like me, a 42-year-old mom, who doesn’t aspire to look like a character from a Sally Rooney novel and is instead content to just look like a 42-year-old mom?

Alone in my confusion and dismay, I reached out to some of the best minds around to confirm my suspicion that Mott and Bow’s marketing strategy is not so much a strategy as it is a vision board on acid.

Hunter Harris

, the queen of cultural criticism that is equal parts brilliant and bitingly hilarious (if you’re not subscribing to

Hung Up

you are willingly depriving yourself of joy!) and the writer of this absolutely groundbreaking work of brand analysis on REFORMATION SUBJECT LINES, had this to say.

"Mott & Bow" sounds like what the fakest person you know says to pretend they're cool enough to listen to Las Cultch. I have to appreciate that they are trying to sell jeans to Insta baddies, after-school youth groups (the cuffs ... but paired with the heels ... maybe the club?), and also women who have men in their lives that tug on their jeans?? I am admittedly very, very, very particular about denim, but oh my god. This copy seems like someone who has never worn clothes is trying to sell you jeans. I know the government agents surveilling us all will curse me with their ads for the rest of the business's run. I give it 12 weeks. 

Virginia Sole-Smith

, who commissioned and authored this four-part PSA on JEANS SCIENCE, unsurprisingly had a few thoughts.

This brand knows their customer so well that they know she is ONLY EVER THIN. Because nothing about this marketing gives me any clue as to whether these jeans would fit my body. Oh except the size range in the final photo where I see they only go up to a 32 so — they absolutely won’t fit me! They don’t seem to know much about their customer, but they DO know she’s not 60+ percent of American women. And then they have a white man designer with bedroom eyes. I feel good knowing that he is (apparently) the one tasked with knowing THE STORY OF MY BODY while not making any jeans in my size. WHO BETTER TO DESIGN A WOMAN’S PANTS THAN A MAN SINCE MEN WEAR THE PANTS.

And lastly, I turned to

Clara

who writes about consumption, the importance of cohesive optics, and Taylor Swift being much better at marketing than, say, the people in charge of marketing at Mott and Bow.

I am very confused as to whom this brand is attempting to entice with its Very Eclectic vibe. Because it is not just the jeans styles -- of course a denim brand would have different styles -- but their vibes, and yes that is purposely plural. The girlies shown in these ads are Everlane, Urban Outfitters, Express, Madewell, and maybe (walk with me) even Chico's shoppers, and respectfully, how realistic is that? 

When someone tells me their jeans are from any of those brands, my mind starts to form certain assumptions -- true or not! it doesn't matter! the mind assumes without our consent! -- about that person's entire schtick. That is what a brand does, especially nowadays when brands are such Active Things (in social media, in our inboxes, in their cringy little ads and influencer events). A brand on our bodies is a projection of who we are and who we are trying to be, for ourselves and for the perceiving world at large. What does it say when (if??? I have to reiterate I had never heard of this brand before you showed it to me, Sara) someone tags Mott & Bow on their outfit post? Not much! It lacks cohesion. It tells me that someone is still figuring themselves out (and who isn't, to be clear) in a very real way. For the brand itself, it tells me they -- whether they are aware of this or not -- haven't yet determined who their audience is. And an ad without an audience is like a millennial woman without a newsletter. 

Here’s the thing. It’s hard enough to conceptualize an identity that can be signaled through clothing, but it’s even HARDER when a brand doesn’t do some of the heavy lifting for me. Like - yes - part of the reason I want to look like either a bolt of calico OR a more rumpled version of Donna Tartt is because of the media and gender myths I’ve consumed throughout my formative years. But it’s ALSO thanks to the many brands selling me the idea of myself as a wildflower fairy OR as a witty-English-girl-drinking-pints-at-the-pub-before-holing-up-in-a-library-painted-in-a-moody-shade-of-Farrow-and-Ball-green. When brands validate my internal desires to be perceived a certain way, I feel like all is right in the world. But when Mott and Bow tells me they are spiritually aligned with Alexa Chung AND a group of MILFs from 1999 ripping it up at TJI Friday’s AND people into jean-pulling kink, I feel disrespected, disoriented, and ATTACKED.

Stay safe out there friends.

Britney and Justin in Mott and Bow. Image source :)

Ok your turn! WHAT ARE THE WORST/MOST NONSENSICAL/MAGICAL THINKING DEPENDENT ADS YOU’VE COME ACROSS LATELY?